Project from Hell
by Kokoro no Yami Group
Summary: (Bakura x Malik, Seto x Yami) Yugi-tachi has to deal with a strange class project (Parody)
1. Dragon

Title: Project from Hell  
Author: Crimson Eyed Dragon  
Rating: PG- 13  
Pairings: Bakura/Malik, Seto/Yami, Honda/Anzu  
Warnings: language, shonen-ai, weird humor  
Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh does not belong to me

**Dragon:** Hello! First off I would like to say welcome to the _Project from Hell_ a PARODY of all those over used class project plots. This story is a Round Robin written by many authors of the Kokoro no Yami Yahoo group. A different author will write each chapter and each chapter will be labeled with the authors name who wrote it. This fic is meant to be full of humor and does have a twist to it compared to most 'project' fics. Also any lemons will ONLY be posted on our Yahoo group, so you must be a member in order to view the whole story.

The link is in our bio.

* * *

Bakura wasn't afraid to die. He had accumulated more than his share of sins, that was certain, but any sort of eternal punishment that he would most likely face in the afterlife held no terror as far as he was concerned, for Bakura had seen far worse than fire and brimstone. No, Bakura wasn't afraid of hell - not after Ryou made him go to high school. 

It was hard to say what about that place he hated the most; whether it was the disgusting display the Pharaoh made out with his reincarnated priest, always kissing on the taller boy and sitting in his lap, or the stern, disapproving looks Ryou would shoot him whenever he tried to send that stuttering, owl-eyed teacher of theirs to the Shadow Realm. And that teacher was high on his list of annoyances herself; she was completely spineless. Bakura hated it when people were so obviously afraid of him - the woman had almost fainted when she caught him sharpening one of his knives in class.

However, though all these things served to make the better part of Bakura's days a living hell and put him in an even sourer mood than he would be on his own, there was one thing, one person, in particular that made his eye twitch and set his teeth on edge.

Malik Ishtahl.

Malik - that psychotic, traitorous, slutty, sexy blonde. That stupid fool who, after betraying Bakura and joining up with the goody-goody hearts club, refused to go back to Egypt where he belonged, instead choosing to stay in Domino so that he could drive Bakura even more insane than he already was. Malik pretended to be reformed; he went to school like a normal teenager, never asked about the Sennen Rod that he'd been so attached to for the greater part of his life, and, worst of all, he greeted Bakura every day with a smile and a polite hello. As if they'd never had an evil partnership. As if they'd never conspired together to take over the world.

But Bakura knew better. He knew that somewhere under that polite facade, Malik really ached to cause chaos. Bakura knew that Malik couldn't resist his evil nature for long, and that one day the Egyptian would snap and suddenly attack everyone in sight in his urge to kill the Pharaoh.

And, Ra help him, Bakura would be right there with him when he did.

* * *

It was on this particular morning, while preoccupied with thoughts of a certain blonde Egyptian, that Bakura failed to notice something very important, an aspect of his usual miserable life that was quite different this day, and which would prove to affect the white-haired boy more than he could ever have expected. Bakura missed a simple detail, one that would prove to change his life forever, in more than one way. 

They had a substitute teacher that day.

While Bakura sat glaring at the back of Malik's head (Malik sat in front of him) someone very different from their usual tiny, quaking teacher stalked into the classroom door and plopped into the teacher's chair, propping his feet nonchalantly on the desk and lazily inspecting the chattering students. Everyone immediately fell silent under his gaze; even Bakura finally snapped out of his reverie at the lack of noise.

The students stared at the teacher.

The teacher stared back.

The students stared some more.

Finally the silence was snapped when Bakura snorted in amusement affectively making all eyes turn to him. Shooting his famous mortals-die-glare in return, he smirked when they all turned away from him, well most of them anyways. The friendship orgy cult were more immune to his threats, something that irked him greatly.

The clearing of a throat brought Bakura back to the present.

"All right, listen up. Your teacher, Aki-sama, finally went into labor last night and since everything went according to plan, I now have the wonderful, life-fulfilling joy of teaching you mindless drones for the next six weeks."

Bakura smirked, beginning to like this new authority figure, well that is until that same person effectively changed his life forever with his next words.

"And seeing as I have to find something to amuse you all over the next few weeks, I have decided to let you learn what Aki-sama will be going though."

A collective class blink at the teacher.

"Since I do not feel like wasting my time with grading pointless papers, we are going to make this an ongoing class project.

"So lets see…. We have twenty-five students," he paused to do some quick mental calculations. "Ah, yes. Now I'm going to randomly pick a few of you to become partners. When I call your names please slide your desks beside your partner and remember the order in which I call them."

Cue the collective sighs.

"All right, first we have Honda Hiroto and Mazaki Anzu."

Bakura let out a snicker as the sound of two desks were heard sliding across the dingy classroom floor, thanking all the gods above that he hadn't been paired off with a _girl_.

The substitute paused and looked around the classroom to spot two teens currently sitting in the same desk, lip locked like there was no tomorrow. Walking up to them, he tapped the shortest one on the shoulder earning him glares from both pairs of heated eyes.

"Do you two think you can refrain from trying to see if you can set the world record for tickling each other's asses though each other's mouths long enough to tell me your names?"

Cold crimson eyes narrowed at the teacher. "hn wi m wHm-a hr wi hdi p3y-k ib." Yami hissed out earning a smug smirk from his boyfriend while Bakura and Malik snorted in amusement. (Approach me again and I will destroy your mind)

To the foursome amazement, the sub just smirked back and reached into his pocket to pull out a bright red mini water gun. "I have no idea what you said but you need to cool down son, I don't like your tone of voice."

Before anyone could blink, the teacher pointed the gun at Yami's face and fired, shooting a jet of water right between the pharaoh's eyes.

Shocked, Yami barely registered the amused look from the sub, the snickers from his boyfriend and the louder than necessary laughter coming from both Bakura and Malik. Wiping the water from his face, Yami stood and tilted his head up to look at the man before him. "Son! Son! I'm over three thou…."

Slapping his hand over Yami's mouth to silence him, Seto pulled the enraged spirit back down into his lap earning him a smack in the head from his sulking boyfriend. Rolling his eyes, Seto looked back at the teacher and decided to handle this himself. "You know I could have you fired for that."

An unusual gleam lit up in those brown eyes as the supposed adult got down on his knees in front of the CEO. "Really? You could do that?" he grabbed Seto's hand and proceeded to kiss it. "I will be forever in your debt if you would do that."

"Ummm…." Seto jerked his hand away from the crazed lunatic and heard Yami growl.

"Keep your hands off my man and get back to your worthless job Mr. Whoever-the-hell-you-are."

"K."

"K?"

The man nodded. "Yes, K, that's my name."

"Okay."

"No, just K. No O just K, 'kay?"

Seto felt Yami stiffen just before he held his right hand out. "MIND C…"

"Yami!" Yugi called out across the room. "Do it and I swear I'll take away all your leather pants! And don't think Seto will buy you more 'cause I'll get Mokuba to punish him too!"

Growling at his devil of a hikari, Yami sank back against Seto's chest and crossed his arms. "Kaiba Seto and Motou Yami," he grounded out.

"Huh?" K-sama asked as he stood back up.

"Our names, you asked what our names were so I gave them to you."

"Oh, yes I did ask that didn't I? Ok then you two are partners in that order too."

Bakura watched in amusement as the teacher walked back to the front of the room and looked over his roll book again. "Next we have Chan Bakura…."

The tomb robber growled at his sissy surname and made a mental reminder to kill the High Priest for falsifying the legal documents and cursing him with the name Chan.

"….and Malik Ishtahl."

"WHAT!"

Golden blonde hair shifted as Malik turned around to look at him after his outburst. Lavender orbs regarded enraged chocolate and rolled his eyes. "It's not like I'm happy about it either you know."

"Oh shove it Ishtahl, no one asked you."

"Ok hormonal humans, you may have noticed some of you have not been paired up. There is a reason for it that I will explain later, but back to the pairs for now. The first name that I called will be the husband the second will be the wife. Yes class, you will be experiencing life as married adults."

Twenty-three collective groans and two moans from the 'getting it on' couple were heard.

"Now back to the unpaired people, when I call your names please go and sit with the couple I put you with." K-sama looked around the classroom and set his sights on Bakura and Malik who had yet to push their desks together.

"Motou Yugi please go sit with Chan and Ishtahl."

With an audible gulp, Yugi gathered his books, placed them in his seat and pushed his desk over to the saner of the two (which was still up for debate) and sat beside Malik. The small duelist could feel the narrowed eyes of his other watching him from across the room. Ignoring the feeling, Yugi turned and gave a slight smile to his new partners and was rewarded with two identical scowls.

"Jounouchi Katsuya you are with Motou and Kaiba."

"Damn it!" Jou slammed his fists down on his desk.

"Yes, yes, damn it all to hell right along with your grades if you don't get you scrawny butt over to the 'make-out couple of the year' over there."

With a growl that fit perfectly with his nickname of mutt, Joey pushed his desk over to where Yami was watching Seto watch him with narrowed sapphire eyes. "I don't like this any better than you do moneybags," Jou said as he flopped bonelessly in his seat.

"Just stay away from me and you may live."

"Whatever you say iceman."

"Bakura Ryou you are with Honda and Mazaki."

Blushing, the white haired hikari gracefully added his desk next to the husband and wife team, sighing in relief that he wasn't chosen to be with people he didn't know.

After he finished adding the single teens to the partnered ones, K-sama dropped his roll book on to the cluttered desk and eyed the group with an unsettling gleam.

"Now the ones that I just added to the married partners are now nothing more than five year old kids. That's correct you are now the lucky parents of bouncing, whining, screaming, pooping, trouble makers!"

Twenty-five mouths dropped open.

"The project rules go like this. For the next two weeks, which includes your vacation week that starts a week from now, you will have to live with your spouse and child. So I suggest you think of whose parents are idiot enough to allow two more teenagers into their humble abode. You must act like a family, husbands must support their wives and children, and wives must lend moral support to their sex-frustrated husbands and raise the kids to be well-socialized perfect members of the human society. Kids, you must give your parents hell and make them regret ever having thought of having unprotected sex." The teacher mentally grinned at all the shocked faces before him. "At the end of your two week project, the day you all come back from your vacation, the kids have to give a verbal and written report on how their parents treated them and how stable your family life was. Do not leave out any of the juicy details! My life is rather boring and I wish for your embarrassment and humility to entertain me."

"What…"

"…the…."

"…FUCK?"

"Yes, fucking is what got you with a kid in the first place. Good work, you understand the basics of reproduction. Oh, and by the way, I already got permission from the principle to conduct this family styles project so all the kids will accompany one of the parents to their classes. So no one is getting out of this. Now, start discussing amongst yourselves about who's house you will be staying at."

* * *

Bakura growled low in his throat as both Malik and Yugi turned around to face him. "This is so fucked up." 

"I have to agree Tomb Robber. Ra knows I don't won't to be stuck with you for the next two weeks, let alone be called your _wife_," he sneered before he turned and looked over to Yugi. "But on the bright side we have one of the cutest kids!"

Violet eyes went wide as he was glomped by an over excited Tomb Keeper. "Malik?" he choked out, "Please let me go. Yami's not going to be happy about this and I would rather not throw fuel to the fire."

Pulling back from the mini pharaoh, Malik chose to ignore everything Yugi had said….well almost everything.

"Aww look Kura! Our son said he wanted to throw fuel to a fire! He's going to grow up to be just like his daddy!" Malik sniffed dramatically, a sad smile on his face. "He's growing up so fast, my son I'm so proud of you!"

Yugi hung his head, sighing in defeat while Bakura sneered at his 'wife'. "What the hell have you been sniffing? Hairspray? Whiteout? Nail polish? That's the Pharaoh's hikari you are talking about! For the next two weeks we will have to be on our best behavior in front of Frodo here."

"Hey!"

"Actually, _Hubby-dear_ I believe Merry or Pippin would be a better choice for him don't you think?"

"Damn it I'm not a hobbit!"

"Your right, _Sugar Dumplin_, Merry or Pippin would be better. He's just as perky, bubbly and brain dead as those two were."

"But _Baby Cakes,_ even if he does meet the height requirement, he lacks in the size of his feet."

"Thank the gods for that."

"It's a shame isn't it, _Pookie, _to bad too since we all know that foot size can measure the size of a man's joy toy."

Chocolate and lavender orbs both turned to look at a blushing Yugi before they both eyes lingered down his body, to his feet and back up again with quirked eyebrows.

"So Yugi-chan," Malik began, "what shoe size do you wear?"

* * *

Seto narrowed his eyes. 

Jou matched his gaze.

Sighing, Yami rubbed his temples. The two of them had been having a pointless staring match for the past twenty minutes. Crimson eyes darted over to where his aibou was, narrowing his own eyes when he saw both Bakura and Malik looking at him in a rather strange way and made a mental note to have a not so nice heart to heart with them later.

Turning around in Seto's lap so he was now straddling the taller youth, Yami affectively turned his boyfriend's attention to him. "Seto-love, we all know we will be staying at your mansion, so what do you say we just meet there about six o'clock tonight? That will give Jou and me enough time to pack some things and give Mokuba the heads up on what's going on?"

Sighing, Seto relaxed against the gentle touches his lover was giving him. "Well there are two good things coming out of this."

"And what the hell would that be Kaiba?"

Sapphire eyes turned and regarded Jou with a smirk on his face. "I get to have sex as much as I want, anytime anywhere. And two, as your father you have to do everything I say."

"Like hell I do."

"Now Jou, listen to your father. He is the man of the house and you must respect him."

"The fuck I will Yami! You can't honestly expect me…."

"Don't use that tone of voice with your mother!"

"And don't you dare talk to me like a child Kaiba!"

"You are a child Jou! His child, my child for the next few weeks! And by the way," Yami paused and leaned forward just a bit with a feral smirk on his face. "You're grounded."

* * *

Dragon: Hope you enjoyed the first chapter of our crazy insane Round Robin! 


	2. Rekall

Title: Round Robin: Project from Hell Ch2  
Author: Rekall  
Rating: PG-13  
Pairings: SetoxYami, BakuraxMalik  
Warnings: Malik being a slut wanting to hit on own son! Bad Malik!  
Disclaimer: Alas I still do not own YGO.

A/N – Thank you everyone for being patience with this chapter. Figures I would have 3 exams and then move in the week I was supposed to write. I promise next time to be on time.

* * *

"This is your room," Seto dryly said as he stood in the open doorway, showing Jounouchi the guest room where he would be staying for the duration of their assignment. The room was an impressive size, larger then Jounouchi's entire apartment, decorated in hunter green. "You'll be staying here for the next two weeks until this stupid assignment is over."

"What no Blue Eyes White Dragon?" Jounouchi mockingly asked, entering the room. Jou had never been to the Kaiba Mansion before until that afternoon. What he found was something relating to Seto's favorite card in every room. Statues, coffee mugs, tables, lamps, anything you could think of was made into a Blue Eyes White Dragon.

"Do you want to be grounded again?" Seto asked, narrowing his eyes at the shaggy-haired blond.

Upon over hearing Seto and Yami's grounding of Jounouchi, K had forbidden them from grounding him until after they had left the classroom. Since then Jounouchi had kept his mouth mostly shut as he went to his apartment to pack his things and then was given a guided tour of Seto's place upon arriving at the mansion. The tour had already taken an hour and a half but Jou knew that there was plenty he still hadn't seen.

"Alright, Alright," Jounouchi grumbled, backing off. It was getting late and all his allies were gone. Mokuba, who had been ecstatic about the arrangement, was off doing his homework and Yami had left a few minutes ago and was out keeping an eye on Yugi, making sure the two psychos didn't do anything stupid around him, but Yami wasn't much of an ally anymore anyway lately since Seto was his world. "So where do you and Mom sleep, Pop?"

Blue eyes narrowed at Jounouchi. "That's none of your business."

"But what if I have a bad dream and need mommy and daddy to comfort me?" Jou smugly teased, knowing he was upsetting Seto and enjoying it.

"Fine, we stay down the hall. Now go to bed!"

"But it's only 7:30pm!"

"Kids need their sleep," Kaiba replied with a satisfied smirk upon his face. "Especially one as young and immature as you."

"Why you-"

"Be mindful of your Father!"

"Fine Kaiba!" Jou spat, walking over and flopping down on his bed. The bed was extremely comfortable and he could practically fall asleep as it was thanks to its softness, but he would never have admitted that to the rich CEO. Jou noticed that his suitcase (garbage bag of clothes) had already been dropped off in the room by one of Seto's servants.

"Good, now stay out of trouble," Seto commanded before closing the door and walking off down the hall.

Jounouchi waited ten minutes before sliding off the bed and walking quietly over to the door. Pressing his ear up against the door, Jou tried listening to see if he could hear anyone. Hearing nothing, Jou took the chance and cracked open the door to take a peek out. The coast was clear.

'_Good'_, Jou thought to himself and he grabbed his garbage bag full of clothes before exiting the room. The room was nice and he liked it but he could annoy Seto and Yami (the traitor) more if he stayed in a room closer to the two lovers.

Walking down the hall, Jou began randomly opening doors to check rooms until he finally found a room decorated in various shades of blue with a large canopy bed in the middle of the room. Three of the bedposts were designed to represent the impressive dragon that the brunet duelist loved so much. But Jou also noticed that one of the posts, instead of being another Blue Eyes, was the Black Magician.

'_Someone's got it bad'_, Jou thought as he closed the door and opened the one next door to find another guest bedroom which was done up in red and white with a large Japanese flag painted onto one of the walls.

'_Perfect!' _Dropping his garbage bag to the floor, Jounouchi hopped up on the bed and began jumping up and down to test the feel of the mattress. Satisfied, Jou bounced down and laid on his back.

Not tired at all, Jou looked around the room. His eyes fell upon the desk and laptop computer sitting in front of the window. With a grin on his face, Jou walked over to the desk and sat down in the comfortable leather chair. Opening up the computer, Jou was not surprised at all to find that Seto had the entire mansion hooked up to wireless Internet. In no time at all Jou was busy searching porn sites.

* * *

Bakura sat on the leather couch and glared across the coffee table at the petite ex-Pharaoh sitting across from him. Yami had unexpectedly arrived that evening while Bakura's two unwanted houseguest were settling down in his (well, Ryou's) apartment. Since Ryou was being forced to live with Honda and Anzu for the next two weeks, the three of them agreed that the apartment was the best place for them to stay. Next to Bakura sat Yugi and next to him was Malik. None of them looked pleased as well at the speech Yami was giving them about how to act around Yugi for the next two weeks.

"We got it, Other Me!" Yugi finally spoke up. "Stop worrying! I can take care of myself!"

Yami remained quiet for a few minutes as he stared down Bakura. "Alright Aibou," he finally said as he stood up. "I don't like it but I'll obey your wishes."

"Thank you Other Me," Yugi replied giving his yami a bright smile. "Don't worry, you'll be seeing me every day at school and I promise you if I'm not well you're allowed to send these two to the Shadow Realm."

"Hey!" Malik protested, speaking up for the first time in the two hours that the former Pharaoh had been there. Bakura suspected that the annoying blond had fallen asleep until that point. "I could never harm someone as cute as Yugi-chan!" As Malik spoke he turned sideways and protectively wrapped his arms around Yugi and squeezed tightly, a little too tightly as Yugi could feel Malik's erection through his skintight leather pants.

Fortunately for Malik, Yami was still too busy glaring at Bakura to notice this, but the blonde's actions could not escape the watchful eye of the thief. "_Honey Bunch…_you know I think it's illegal for you to want to rape your own son."

"What!" Yami's head snapped over to Malik who quickly let go of Yugi and sat back in his seat, sliding as far away as possible from the spiky-haired teen.

"It's okay Other Me! He wasn't doing a thing! Now will you please go? I'm sure Seto is missing you!"

"Alright, I'm going Aibou," Yami said as he stood and began walking towards the door. No one bothered to escort him over to it, like a thoughtful host, but Yami didn't care. "Call me if they do _anything_!"

"I will!" Yugi promised as his other self left.

"You are _so_ getting a raise in your allowance," Malik said as soon as the door closed. He then threw Yugi a sexy look and slid closer to him again.

Bakura growled as Yugi innocently cuddled against Malik. "You're my wife! Not his!"

"Bakura?" Yugi asked while both he and Malik gave the white-haired thief a shocked look.

"Screw this I need a drink!" Bakura yelled as he got up and stormed out of the apartment.

"What was that all about?" Yugi questioned turning his attention to Malik.

"Beats me," Malik replied shrugging his shoulders. "Don't worry about it. Daddy has issues. Now how would you like Mommy to give you a bath?"

"That's not going to happen Malik," Yugi told him, giving his _mother_ a dirty look. Tired after a long day, Yugi stood and began walking towards Ryou's room where he would be staying. "Besides, I'm sure you'd much rather give _Daddy_ a bath."

"Yeah right," Malik muttered as he crossed his arms over his chest and pouted. Malik was sad that all the hot boys had left him.

Sexually frustrated, Malik decided he would need to relieve the tightness in his pants. Not caring that Yugi was technically 'too young' to leave alone by himself and he could get a bad grade if Yugi reported him and Bakura, Malik left the apartment to head to his favorite gay club.

* * *

Jounouchi pulled his hand out of his jeans when he heard some commotion coming from Seto's room. Deducing that Yami must be back, Jou looked at the small clock on the computer and realized it was now 10 o'clock and he had been looking at porn for two and a half hours.

After a long day and with school in the morning, Jou decided it was finally time for him to get some sleep. Stripping down to his boxers, Jou walked over to the bed and climbed under the covers. He closed his eyes and was almost asleep when he heard the grunts and moans coming from the room next door. These noises were followed closely by the sound the bed's headboard thumping against the wall.

"Harder Seto!" Jou heard Yami groan. "Fuck me raw!"

"Slutty little wife of mine likes it hard." Seto wasn't nearly as loud as Yami, who apparently was a screamer, but he was still audible through the walls.

"Yes, right there!"

'_I'm outta here!'_ Jou desperately thought as he jumped out of bed and ran out of the room. Rushing down the hall, Jou flung open the room at the very end of the hall and ducked inside.

"Jou?" Sitting cross-legged on the bed with a video game controller in his hands, Mokuba gave Jou a curious look, pausing the game on the plasma TV in front of him. "Is something wrong?"

"Umm…no…" Jou liked Mokuba. Although Mokuba would sometimes get angry at the blond for disrespecting Seto too much, over all he was nice to Jounouchi. "Your brother and Yami are just kind of loud, that's all."

"I thought Niisama put you in one of the rooms at this end of the hall," Mokuba said with a frown upon his face. "He said he was going to…our contractor screwed up when the rooms began getting sound proofed after Seto and Yami began dating. The idiot did the rooms at this end of the hall first so I'm temporary living down here until Seto can find someone else to finish the job. The last one will be lucky if he ever gets another contracting job in all of Japan after this incident."

"Uhh…he did but I liked this other room better and moved without telling him…"

"You got what you deserved then," Mokuba replied with a small shake of his head. "My advice is stay in the room Niisama picked out for you. Move back in the morning before Niisama wakes up and realizes what you've done. I'll warn you though, he gets up at 5:30am unless Yami is distracting him."

"Thanks for the advice," Jou grunted leaving the room, letting Mokuba to get back to his game. Jou then walked down the hall three doors away back to the original green room. Crawling under the covers, Jou reached over to the clock on the bedside table. Setting the alarm to 5am, Jou settled down for some sleep.

* * *

Bakura gulped down the Screwdriver he was currently drinking. Although technically underage, Bakura knew all the places that served alcohol without checking ID. Although the gay club wasn't the most idealistic of Bakura's drinking establishments with its loud rock-techno music, the drinks were cheap.

The buzz from all the alcohol that Bakura had drunk upon arriving was finally kicking in. Making his way across the club, Bakura eyed the dance floor looking for an easy fuck. His eyes quickly fell upon a tanned individual with blond hair dressed in tight black pants and a lavender hoodie top.

Rage flooded Bakura's body as he watched his wife grind up against sexy redhead. Storming onto the dance floor, Bakura grabbed Malik's arm and yanked him away from the other male. Possessively, Bakura licked Malik's neck while glaring at the red head, who quickly moved away.

"Hey 'kura baby!" a clearly intoxicated Malik giggled as he wrapped his arms around Bakura's neck. "Isn't this a great place? I never knew you came here!"

"Any place with cheap drinks and sluts is great," Bakura agreed allowing Malik to thrust his hips against the thief's leg.

Bakura's hands roamed up Malik's back, slipping up under the small shirt. Bakura pulled Malik's body closer to him as their hips swayed together. They were close, very close…but all too soon they were interrupted by the vibration coming from Malik's ass.

"Hey Yugi-chan," Malik giggled into his cell phone. "Daddy and I are drunk. Shh…don't tell K-san….okay…okay…okay…bye Yugi-chan!" Hanging up the phone Malik turned his attention back to Bakura. "Yugi-chan says we have to come home now or he'll report us tomorrow."

"Damn brat, why did we have to end up with a smart mouth child?"

"He's so cute though!"

Bakura rolled over on his bed, picked up his pillow and buried his head under it. His head was pounding and it didn't help he could hear the happy chatter coming from somewhere else in the apartment.

"Shut up!" he yelled, only to cause ringing inside of his own head. Hangovers sucked but fortunately the nose quieted down.

Satisfied that he scared someone, Bakura happily settled down, wanting some sleep, but he was disturbed shortly by the door opening. Rolling over and removing the pillow, Bakura blinked opened an eye to find Malik standing over him. "Get lost."

"Now, now, _Darling _that's no way to act in the morning!"

"Why the hell are you so cheerful?" Bakura demanded to know, narrowing his eyes at his wife. "You drank twice as much as I did!"

"I have the rare gift of not getting hangovers," Malik replied with a happy grin on his face. "I can drink as much as I want and be fine in the morning."

"Bastard."

"Tsk, tsk, you're lucky our son isn't here to hear you using that kind of language. Fortunately he already left for school."

"And why the hell didn't you go!"

"Why should I go when you get to stay home?"

"Ugh, You're a spoiled brat," Bakura grumbled as he replaced the pillow back across his face and hoped he suffocated himself.

"You're the one who married me," Malik called over his back as he walked out of the room.

"I said shut up!" Malik's laughter, meanwhile, could be heard throughout the entire apartment. Today was just going to be one of those days.


	3. SnowK

Title: Project from Hell  
Author: SnowK  
Rating: R  
Pairing: Seto X Yami  
Warnings: Yaoi.  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, or any other ideas/stories that were already used by other people, I don't own anything.  
Summary: Shouting in the morning by the Bakura family and Kaiba family.

* * *

Bakura opened his eyes suddenly and stared at the ceiling sharply, the chocolate orbs narrowed with fury – the blond could feel that someone was next to him, leaning on his left arm. The other's skin was touching his! Bakura was about to puke. The feeling filled his entire body with rage and annoyance in one second. Who dared to bother him? That person must want to commit suicide.

So, the white-haired man didn't think about anything before grabbing a pair of scissors from his pocket and stabbed the one that was next to him with all of his strength.

"Owwwwwwwww!" A dreadful scream came out. A satisfied smile found its way up Bakura's face, the blond held the pair scissors in front of him and kissed it, enjoying the other's shouting of pain and torture – that was when he found out he had held the scissors upside down and there wasn't blood on it. This means that the person next to him didn't die! Bakura cursed loudly and jumped up quickly, adjust the scissors' position so its iron blades were directly pointing to the other person who was next to him.

"Bakura, what are you doing?" With a loud thump, Yugi kicked open the door and yelled, stopping Bakura in his tracks.

The white-haired man was a little confused right now – why is Yugi here? Bakura frowned and looked down at 'the annoying person who had the guts to be next to him', only to find out that Malik had his hands covering his stomach, rolling crazily on the bed, the other man's face twisted into a creepy expression mixed with anger, bewilderment, and pain.

Bakura blinked a few times before remembering the school project. While Yugi hurried over to the two blonds and checked Malik's stomach to make sure that it wasn't bleeding.

"B……Bak.…ura, you are murdering me the first thing in the morning?" Malik barely managed to squeeze the sentence out of his mouth, which is amazing, in Bakura's opinion – first, Malik was able to talk after a deadly stab from our thief, second, Malik's mouth was yelling, moaning, screaming, swallowing, hissing, and talking at the same time, which is rather amusing in Bakura's eyes, but he didn't want to admit it.

"Well, you should know by now not to come too close to me, if you break my rules, you are going to pay." Bakura said indifferently, scratching his waist-length hair; "Whatever, get yourself ready to go to the stupid teacher K." Then, with a blink of an eye, the blond was out of the room.

"Malik, are you feeling all right? Should I call a doctor or something?" Yugi bit his fingernails nervously.

"All right? Are you kidding? I was having a wonderful time being killed by Bakura!" Malik was almost breathless when he finished his sentence, the man struggled to calmed himself down a little bit, then asked; "Dear Yugi kid, can you check if there's blood in my mouth or not?"

"Why?"

"They say that if you got hurt inside, you'll bleed through your mouth."

Yugi furrowed; "Ehh…… I don't think……"

"Listen to your parent and just do it."

Yugi signed. "Fine." The small boy bent over as the blond opened his mouth, Yugi gave a short glance to the mouth and replied; "No blood."

"Come on! You didn't even look at it! The blood is red, look carefully and tell me again!"

Yugi rolled his eyes and bent over again, this time, looking at Malik's mouth for a long time. "No blood."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Any blood on my face?"

"No."

"Does my tongue look healthy?"

Yugi signed in exasperation. "Yes, it's very healthy."

"What about my lips? Do they look as red as they normally do?"

"Yes."

"And what about……"

"That's enough, Malik." Yugi finally lost his patience and jumped up, fighting against the urge to punch the blond himself. "Just get up, it's not as bad as you think it is. So stop whining." The small boy walked towards the door, but stopped briefly to let out one more comment. "And, Malik, go get cleaned up, you have a really really really really bad breath!"

"Little spoiled brat." Malik signed, "Poor me."

* * *

Yami was suddenly awakened by the voices in his head, it seemed that people were shouting and yelling at each other. Of course, he didn't know that he heard the shouting because Yugi accidentally let some of the morning events with the two blonds go through their mind link. So Yami thought the voices were coming from outside the door.

The spiky-haired boy sat up confusedly and got out of the bed; he opened the door, checking the hall with fatigue eyes.

No one was there.

Yami leaned on the wall, thinking desperately about the voices that he heard. But before he could reach a decision, a hand suddenly touched his shoulder; it was Kaiba.

"What are you doing? It's not even five o'clock yet." The brunet grunted.

"Sorry, I thought I heard voices." Yami explained, his arms hugging Seto's waist, the shorter boy buried his face in the other's chest.

Kaiba nodded, then, a smile formed on his face. "So, since we got up early, I think……" The brunet finished the sentence by covering the other's mouth in a kiss.

Yami laughed against the taller man's mouth as Kaiba opened their bedroom door and they went inside. The brunet smirked and pushed the shorter boy onto the bed. Suddenly, he heard a scream from under the covers, and saw yellow hair sticking out from underneath.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Jou's scream was muffled by the covers, but it was loud enough to wake both Kaiba and Yami completely.

Yami immediately jumped up from the bed, while Kaiba's eyes focused on the bed intensely and angrily.

Jou's head popped out. "What are you guys doing?"

Seto gritted his teeth and hissed. "What are you doing here? This isn't your room!"

"Uhh……" Jou remembered Mokuba's warning and began to panic a little, although he didn't want to admit that he was afraid of Kaiba. "I didn't listen to you?" Jou said with a small voice.

"That's it! Get out! Right now!" Kaiba completely lost his temper and yelled with all of his strength, Yami was sure that even people on the street could hear the shouting.

"Gee, this is going to be so much fun." Yami signed, "Hope Yugi is doing better than me."

Little did he know, that Yugi was frustrated with the two blonds at that time: "Oh, Bakura, Malik, you guys are so much fun. I hope Yami is doing better than me."


	4. Desidera

Title: Project from Hell Chapter 4  
Author: Desidera  
Rating: PG-13  
Pairings: Bakura/Malik, Seto/Yami, Honda/Anzu  
Warnings: **LIME  
**Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh does not belong to me

* * *

**Chapter 4**

"Do you think he is still angry?", Malik whispered to Yugi.

The smaller boy looked ahead to where Bakura stomped into the school building, glaring at everyone who didn't keep at least a two-meter distance.

"He is. Definitely", he then answered. "What did you think? He has a hangover and is grumpy as hell because he embarrassed himself when his attack in the morning went wrong. You know how it is with his pride as the King of Thieves or something…"

"Hm", Malik agreed with a nod. "Do you think we're allowed to divorce during this project?"

"Go ahead if you want to get bad marks and fail."

"No! I didn't mean that! I was afraid he would leave the two of us all alone." Malik emphasized his words with a tearful sniff. "I don't want to be a single parent. He is being a jerk, though. Maybe I want to be a single parent then I could have you all to myself."

Yugi inched away from him a little. "Yeah…whatever you say. I do think I'll go with you to your classes today, I don't want to sit next to Bakura right now."

"Uhmm" Malik rubbed the back of his head. "I'm in every class with Bakura. I …kinda chose the same ones as he."

Yugi raised his eyebrow. "Deliberately?"

"No!" Malik assured him a bit too enthusiastically. "Why would I? He is being a stupid, sexy jerk!" Then his eyes widened and he put his hands over his mouth.

With a snicker Yugi walked ahead of him.

"Well, which class do you have first then?"

* * *

"Do you think he will kill me?" Jou wanted to know, trying to hide behind Yami. 

The other turned around to give him a small glare. "Stop trying to hide like this, Seto isn't dumb. He can see you. And yes, I think he will. After all he didn't get his fun in the morning, which usually leaves him moody for at least two hours."

They both looked at Seto, who slammed the car door, locked it and proceeded to walk towards the school building. He had decided not to take the limo today but drive the car to school himself. In Jou's opinion the decision was a bad one. He was a fan of fast cars but this one was definitely no fun anymore, missing all the red lights, wheels screeching whenever they rounded a corner. This ride to school was actually what had given Jou the idea that Seto could attempt to murder him and only the fact that Yami was in the car too kept him from doing so.

"Do you think children can be given away for adoption during this project?"

"Don't worry, I won't let him do that"

"No, you don't understand, I'd love to be given away for adoption!"

Yami shot him a nasty glare.

"You know, I'm your mother but I'm not obliged to be your ally all the time. I can well arrange you to be shipped off to the North Pole and abandoned there. I am sure my husband would approve."

Jou took a step back from him. "Uhmm, do you get moody too when you don't have enough sex?"

Yami raised his eyebrow. "It happens now and then. Now, stop whining and let's go to class."

Jou sighed. "I guess there's not much of a chance of being in a class without Kaiba if I go with you, right?"

"Nope, not a chance in hell"

* * *

Seto couldn't help but notice that the other paired up student families seemed to have had a much luckier start than him. Everyone was chatting happily with their family members, laughing, and eating cake they had baked together. They seemed to consider the whole thing as a giant sleepover. 

Anzu was even wearing an apron over her school uniform, while Honda was dressed decently for the first time in his life, clothes straightened out and smelling of washing powder. The sight of Ryou's hair left Seto feeling sick. It looked like Anzu had attacked him with the curling iron. He didn't look unhappy though. Or maybe he was just too nice to tell her to stop it.

Finally fourth period arrived and K banged open the door to the classroom, plopping down on top of his desk in a lazy manner while he scrutinized the students one after the other.

"You seem far too happy", he then commented sourly. "Parents – why aren't you tired? Five-year-olds tend to wear you out with their antics. Kids – why aren't you annoyed with sitting quietly at school for hours? Five-year-olds are nosy and want to jump around like crazy all the time. It seems you are not taking this seriously enough."

Two unmistakable growls could be heard from Seto and Bakura. K seemed to be cheering up immediately.

"Ah, that's much better! You are angry? Wonderful. What can you tell us about the basic aspects of family life that drive you crazy? We are doing social learning here! What about you start, Chan Bakura?"

"There is no such thing as family life", Bakura growled dangerously. "My lovely wife and child are still alive, and that's that." Both, Malik and Yugi moved away from him a little.

"You are no fun," the substitute complained. "What about you, Kaiba Seto? How do you like your kid?"

Seto looked at Jou, who yelped and tried to hide behind Yami again. The CEO smirked.

"I'm an authority by nature. Do you expect me to have problems handling a child?" he smoothly drawled.

K was not satisfied with that answer. "That's because your child isn't acting like a child. It is the basic problem of the project! Kids – you are not acting like five-year-olds as you are expected to do. You're not whining, you're not complaining, you're not screaming, you're not running around in class, you're not causing trouble. You are boring, all of you!"

With a flourish the teacher produced his water gun, pointing it at Ryou. "What did you do when you were five?"

The white haired boy eyed the threat warily. "Uhmm, I was a rather quiet kid, I guess. But I got angry every time someone….well….someone tried to….take away my…little furry stuffed rabbit."

"Awwww!", Anzu cooed, while some of the other students laughed. They received a splash of water into their faces and the laughter turned into a collective shout.

"You are absolutely right, Bakura Ryou. And that is why every one of you kids will now receive a stuffed animal that you are supposed to carry around all the time. You hear me, no exceptions. Whoever loses it or pretends to have lost it will be rewarded with a week of detention and a new stuffed animal. Parents are allowed to take them away, but I wouldn't advise them to do so, since you are supposed to give them hell if they do. All of you, remember those animals are every kid's heart and soul. They may talk to them, feed them their lunch, bathe them, whatever. If you are afraid of losing them, attach them to a chain and fix it on your clothes. I don't care how you do it but you absolutely have to carry them around with you all the time."

Discussions and angry shouts erupted while K smirked, hopped off the desk and left the classroom. When he returned a few seconds later he was pushing a shopping cart in front of him that was filled with stuffed animals of all kinds and colors.

"Alright, children, get over here and find you a friend!"

Indeed, some childish streak seemed to break through at the sight of the cart and all the kids were suddenly excitedly jumping up and racing each other to get the best animal. They were shouting at each other and fighting over little balls of fur.

Ryou was shoved back and landed on his butt, a cute white cat with green eyes staring up at him. He happily cuddled his new toy and went back to Honda and Anzu while everyone else was still screaming murder.

"He was mine!", Yugi yelled at a girl twice his size. "I got him first! Besides he doesn't like you at all! Look at him, he's already looking sick!"

The girl looked at the teddy in her hands that she had been holding above her head. "Nonsense!", she answered shrilly. "He's been green all the time!"

Suddenly she discovered a baby blue duck behind him and went for it with a battle cry, dropping the green teddy onto the floor, where Yugi picked it up and comforted it.

"Poor little one, she dropped you. But I'm here for you now…"

"And what did you get?", Yami asked Jou, who looked absolutely furious as he stalked back to their joined desks.

"Don't ask", Jou grumbled, and threw his animal onto the desk.

Seto looked at it and smirked. "A little brown mutt. Who would have thought it?"

"Alright, class", K finally interrupted the shouting, looking extremely pleased with the chaos he had caused. "You all have your stuffed little friends? Good. This is only part of the fun, though. I stated before you look far too happy, all of you. From now on the kids will be acting like five-year-olds, all the time, with no exception. Got it? I warn you, I will personally supervise this."

The class stared at K. The teacher stared back. The loud ringing of the bell finally interrupted the staring contest. Malik got up first and stretched provocatively, drawing everyone's attention to his bare stomach. Bakura growled and grabbed his 'wife's' hand to pull him away from the number of hungry stares he received.

Suddenly there was a loud, angry scream that made the startled girls jump and some boys press their hands to their ears for protection.

In the middle of the class stood Jou, causing the horrible annoying sound, whining, "Wahhhh, daddy, I don't wanna go to class! I wanna go home! Take me home and read a book to me! Waaaaah, daddy, you're baaaad!"

A terrified Seto Kaiba turned around to glare murderously at his "son". Jou stopped for a moment to give him a lazy wink, before he started anew, causing most of the students to hurriedly leave the room.

"Bad daddy, I don't wanna have no more classes!"

* * *

"Curse you, I will send you to the Shadow Realm!" 

"You won't get a chance to do that, you moron! I'll pin you to the door with those little knives of yours!"

Yugi's eye twitched. With a sigh he put his pen down, brought his hands up to his temples and rubbed them softly. The lines he had just written blurred before his eyes.

"The Family Project Diary of Yugi Motou. Day One. Official first day after the announcing of the project.

I think I might slowly be going crazy. Yesterday I thought it couldn't be worse. My "parents" were making fun of me, playfully hitting on me, leaving me alone in the dark without so much as a teddy to cuddle. But today they are constantly trying to murder each other, ignore me, interrupt me, overlook me and stumble over me and Ludwig (that's how I called my green teddy in reference to Jiichan's favorite composer, Ludwig van Beethoven). Currently they are fighting over who is going to do the washing up. An hour ago it was about who was going to cook. In between I had to keep them away from the steak knives. This way I ended up doing the cooking of course, and as it looks right now, I will be lucky enough to wash the dishes as well. Great. I wonder if I should call my Yami and just tell him to mind crush them both. See how far this has driven me? I'm becoming psychotic and murderous. I think I'm going to cuddle Ludwig some more and…."

"You won't do anything, you freak! I'm going to make you lick those dishes clean with your tongue!"

"Oh, so you are fantasizing about my tongue?"

"I'm fantasizing about cutting it out!"

"You…"

"Stop it!", Yugi screamed exasperatedly. "I'm washing the dishes, just stop this!"

Both Malik and Bakura stopped and turned to look at him.

"Awww", Malik then cooed. "You are so independent and mature, Yugi. I'm so proud of my little hobbit boy"

Yugi slammed the kitchen door right into their faces, leaving them to themselves in the living room. Bakura scratched his head, a bit miffed at having no reason to fight anymore, since he had secretly enjoyed it a lot. He glanced at Malik out of the corner of his eye. When Malik looked back at him, he quickly averted his eyes.

"Well", Malik said slowly. "What are we doing now?"

Bakura shrugged. "Ryou gave me this PlayStation racing game for Christmas, so he could read in peace. Want to try it?"

"Sure", Malik nodded and followed him to the sofa.

Half an hour later, Bakura threw his controller down onto the floor with an enraged scream.

"Damn it, you aren't supposed to win! This is my game!"

Malik grinned. "Well, seems you just never had a decent opponent. Beat by your own wife, how pathetic…"

"Arrrr!"

Snarling, Bakura lunged at him and they both tumbled off the sofa, onto the floor.

Malik hissed in pain as Bakura's elbow sank into his stomach.

"Get off, you son of a bitch!"

Bakura, lying on top of the other, was a bit taken aback. "Are you hurt?", he demanded, almost worriedly, searching his face. The blonde stared up at him, as they both suddenly realized their positions, their legs entangled, their lower bodies pressed together, their faces so close they could feel each other's breath.

'How pathetically cliché!", Bakura thought, memorizing the color of Malik's eyes.

"Get off!", the other suddenly cried, voice higher than usual, taking him by surprise at pushing him onto his back, before he got up and strode out of the room without looking at him. A slow grin spread over the former Tomb Robber's face as he distractedly stared off into space.

Had he not been preoccupied with thoughts of a certain blonde, Bakura might have noticed the dark figure standing on the roof of the neighbor's house, binoculars in his hands. The stranger gave a lazy snort as he put down his spyglasses.

"Yugi…That kid is too nice for his own good. I hate those boring people. No, Chan and Ishtal won't get away that easily. It's time to interfere…"

* * *

The afternoon at the Kaiba mansion was fairly quiet with everyone doing their homework. Jou was struggling with math, trying to draw an ellipse freehandedly since he had lost his compasses. When he was done, he looked at his book, which stated he should find the elliptic equation. Jou furrowed his brow and scratched his nose. 

He drew some circles on his paper, then hummed softly and tapped his foot, looking at his ellipse and waiting for enlightenment to come.

Seto Kaiba's left eye twitched. Mokuba gave his brother's lover a meaningful glance. "Jou", Yami stated warningly.

With a look of perfect innocence the blonde boy lifted his head from his book. "Huh? Oh – right. I will be good mommy."

The tapping of his foot stopped and the four of them returned to work.

Half a minute later, the annoying sound returned, the humming now louder than before.

"Jou!", Mokuba softly kicked his foot beneath the table and received an indignant look from the other. Again the room was quiet.

Suddenly a little brown stuffed dog was making its way over the table right up to Seto.

"Woof!", Jou imitated a barking dog, drawing Seto's attention to his stuffed animal that his hand was now holding in front of the other's blue eyes.

"A poor little doggie asks for help for his best friend. Please, won't you tell the little doggie how you find an elliptic equation?"

Seto wrinkled his nose.

"The little doggie looks like he has been dropped into a mud puddle."

"That's actually what happened to the little doggie." Yami threw in. "As well as its owner. I had the pleasure of washing your son. You, my dear husband, didn't even notice, being preoccupied with your company."

Seto gave him a dark glare. "Which is my duty and right. Don't forget I'm earning your money."

Yami opened his mouth to retort but Jou interrupted him.

"Will you help Muddy now, daddy?"

"What?" They both looked at him in confusion.

"The doggie. Muddy, the mutt. Won't you help him?"

Seto stared at Muddy, the mutt, then looked helplessly at Mokuba, who simply shrugged his shoulders. With a sigh the young CEO snatched Jou's math paper and glanced at it. Both his eyebrows rose.

"What is this? It looks like a human body cell."

To his horror, Jou started to cry. "Mommy, why is daddy being so baaad?"

Yami pressed his hands to the sides of his head and clenched his teeth.

"Alright, alright", Seto conceded. "This line here is a, and this is e. Now the equation is …"

Half an hour later Jou was done with his homework due to his "daddy's" help, but was now swinging his feet back and forth, obviously bored, while everyone else was still working.

The blonde boy let his eyes wander from one parent to the other, then yawned widely and started to complain.

"Mommy. Moooommy. Mommymommymommy…."

"Stop it, Jou", Yami ground out.

"But I'm bored, Mommy!"

"Well, you will just have to go and play alone for a while. Look, take Muddy over there and show him how well you can watch the TV"

Jou sniffed dramatically. "You don't care about me at all! Why don't you love me, Mommy?"

Yami's head snapped up and he looked wide-eyed at his "son", who made sure to turn his expression into a cute pout and then, when he noticed Yami falling for it, let his eyes become large and a bit teary.

It was suddenly very silent. Mokuba and Seto lifted their heads and looked at Yami who was still staring at the blonde. Slowly, Seto cleared his throat.

"Uhmm, Yami?"

But his lover was already getting up. "Alright, Jou, I'm going to play with you. What do you want to do? Paint a picture? Have a car race with Mokuba's little red toy cars?"

"A race!", Jou cried happily, jumping up.

While his younger brother was snickering madly, Seto's mouth was half-opened in surprise or even shock. "What are you doing, Yami?", he demanded. "You can't really be giving in to this little brat! You can't have mother instincts now!"

For that he received a dark look from his "wife" before he turned around to leave the room with Jou.

"No", Seto moaned, "No, this can't be true. Mother instincts. Next we will be adopting. No way. No way. No, no, no…."

* * *

"Where are you? I will rip you to shreds and throw them out of the window!" 

"You asshole, I'll sue you for abusing your wife!"

"I'll do more than abuse you, be sure of that!"

"Oh, you'll rape me?"

"No, fucking hell, I'll kill you!"

Yugi sat behind the sofa, wondering if it was a safe enough place to be and praying none of the knives would accidentally go astray and kill him instead.

Suddenly there was a loud knock on the door. The two enraged Egyptians didn't even notice. Carefully, Yugi scanned his surroundings, but just as he stuck his head out of his hiding place, a small steak knife swished past his ear and he quickly ducked again. No chance of getting out and opening the door. There was another knock. He was half hoping it was Yami outside, coming to save him. Another knife stuck wobbling in the sofa cushion right next to him. At that point Yugi didn't care anymore who was outside, he just hoped that whoever it was would get in and save him, so he gathered all his courage and shouted on top of his lungs, "THERE IS SOMEONE AT THE DOOR!"

The two psychos stopped mid-movement, knives still raised, ready to throw. At that moment there came a deep voice from outside the door.

"Open the door, this is the youth welfare department! We heard of a serious case of child abuse and we demand do be let in upon the instant!"

Malik and Bakura both gaped at the door, looked at each other and finally hurried to open it.

They were greeted with insane laughter.

"Ahh, now this was fun! Finally I'm getting some fun here! You should see your faces!"

Outside there stood K, holding his sides and laughing his ass off. They stared at him. When his laughter died down K straightened up and stared back. It was silent for about one minute until K gave a bright grin and strode into the room.

"Alright, where is little Yugi?"

"I'm not little", Yugi mumbled indignantly, crawling out of his hiding place.

"Oh, yes, you are little", K objected. "You are a five-year-old, remember? Or at least you are supposed to be, because you are not acting like one. I told you I was going to supervise this personally."

Yugi's face went positively red. "Try being a five-year-old in this crazy household! Those two are worse than five-year-olds! They are murderous and crazy, and they have no sense of responsibility!"

"Well, then they will have to learn it." K shrugged. "Don't care about the household, you are supposed to be a child and those two will have to get used to being parents and accepting their responsibilities." He leaned closer. "I'll give you some advice. Follow me in the living room and leave those two here to kill each other. I'll show you how to act like a little brat. And then we'll see if they still have the time to plot murders…"

Yugi nodded excitedly, grabbing Ludwig, the teddy and following K out of the room. This left the Egyptian boys alone with each other once more, and without a reason to fight.

"Let's play cards?", Bakura suggested weakly.

"Sure", Malik nodded and followed him to the sofa.

Five minutes later the door opened and K stepped out, beaming brightly and waving at them before he left Ryou's apartment as quickly as he had come. Suddenly there was a terrible crash in the living room. Bakura paled.

"Not the Egyptian vase I stole from the museum!", he whispered, then stormed off for closer inspection, Malik on his heels. They both came to a stop in front of a pile of broken clay. Next to the pile Yugi was sitting, sucking on his hand that he had stuck into his mouth, the other one holding Ludwig, hair messy, wet from the water that had been in the vase.

With a small moan Bakura sank to his knees in front of his broken goods.

Yugi took his fingers out of his mouth. "Ooooops", he said innocently.

* * *

"Sing the song again, Mum", Ryou demanded impatiently, clutching his little stuffed cat. 

"Alright, one more time", Anzu sighed and started to sing. "It was down by the Sally-y Ga-ardens, my-y love a-and I did meet…."

Somewhere in the bathroom Honda was desperately looking for some cotton wool to stuff into his ears.

"Once again, Mum, pretty pleaaaase! And then I'll sleep." Ryou gave Anzu his best innocent puppy eyes and she gave in.

"But this is the last time! It was down by the Sally-y Ga-ardens…."

Honda groaned and tried to hide somewhere in the shower.

"Mum….I can't sleep, please one more time…."

And finally Anzu screamed.

"Go to hell, my throat is sore!"

* * *

The Kaiba mansion was quiet and dark. There was only one room still illuminated. It was the kitchen where there was still someone sitting at the table trying to figure out a math equation. 

Seto casually leaned against the wall, watching his lover brooding over the problem. He had spent the whole afternoon playing with Jou, then had bathed him with Seto watching from the door, making sure his boyfriend didn't touch the other too much, and then had brought him to bed. In addition to that he had been ignoring Seto, supposedly because he had not helped much. The CEO snorted. After all he had had enough work with the company.

"Leave your damn math books alone. I didn't have you in the morning because of this moron. I'm getting withdrawal symptoms already."

"Go masturbate." Yami suggested coldly.

Seto sighed. "Alright, since I assume your royal pride won't let me assist you I will just sit here and wait till you are done" He flung himself down into the chair next to Yami and stared at the math book. After a while his eyes traveled up Yami's hands and slender forearms, over his shoulders and his firm chest up to his wild hair and his face. He watched Yami's eyebrows draw together in concentration whenever he tried to figure something out and he was fascinated by the graceful movement of the pen in his lover's hand.

Annoyed, Yami looked up. "Why are you staring?", he demanded.

"Oh, nothing", Seto answered, still looking at the pen, then continued matter-of-factly, "I just noticed I don't look at you enough. I touch you so much I tend to forget to really look."

Yami stared at him, mouth half open. Only then did Seto realize he had said something romantic. To hide his blush he abruptly stood and turned around.

"Well, I'm getting myself a drink. Want some too?"

"Sure", Yami answered, still stunned. When Seto walked out of the room, his lover put down his pen, rested his head in his hand and watched him with a soft smile on his face.

They spent another ten minutes in silence until Seto had finished his drink. Yami threw a sideways glance at his boyfriend.

"You know what?", he then suggested, "Go up to the bedroom and prepare everything, I'll be done soon and follow you."

Seto stood and left the room without a word, and Yami shook his head, still smiling.

Half an hour later the crimson-eyed boy made his way up the stairs, yawning widely. On his way to the bedroom he stumbled over some of the cars Jou had left lying around and heatedly cursed his "son", which caused Seto to stick his head out of their room, one eyebrow raised. Yami hurried to get to him, mumbling an apology.

However, when he opened the door to the room his mouth fell open in amazement. The whole room was full of violet flames, dancing everywhere, on the desk, on the cupboard, on the windowsill. It must have been some trick, since the flames didn't seem to burn anything.

"What is this?", he whispered in awe.

"A hologram", Seto whispered back. "I programmed it right now out of boredom. Do you like it?"

Instead of an answer, Yami turned around and grabbed his face, pulling it down so he could greedily kiss him.

With his foot Seto closed the door and dragged Yami over to their shared bed, ridding him of his shirt at the same time. The other managed to remove Seto's turtleneck as well, but when he opened the fly of his pants, he felt Seto push him down onto the sheets and sit on top of him.

"Mmmm", Yami purred and ran his hands up and down the other's firm thighs. He received a hungry stare from passion-filled, blue eyes before Seto leaned in, and licked his right earlobe, sucking it into his mouth. Then he moved on to the right, enjoying Yami responding with impatient squirming beneath him, which increased the friction in just the right places.

When Yami was panting softly, Seto moved back up and smirked at him, then he started rubbing his crotch against Yami's. The smaller boy threw his head back and moaned softly, grabbing Seto's hips and trying to pull him down some more. One hand was even bold enough to slip underneath Seto's pants and stroke the soft flesh of his ass, moving closer to a certain place.

Seto gave a loud, rumbling moan when Yami's fingers found the right place and as they pressed into him a tiny bit, he rocked back to get more of them.

Distracting Seto in this way, Yami took him by surprise as he suddenly reversed their positions and started to pull off Seto's pants while the other was doing the same to him. With a lazy wink Seto was now the one to insert his fingers, one after the other, making Yami moan as he moved them around a little, making him scream when he thrust them into him.

Finally Seto pulled out of his lover, both of them now naked and aching for each other and stared deeply into Yami's eyes, in which the violet flames were reflected.

"You are so hot when you ride me", he murmured seductively and smirked at Yami's intense cry of pleasure as he finally joined their bodies.

In the light of the holographic flames they moved together, slowly at first, then faster, as Seto grabbed Yami's hips while the other clutched Seto's shoulders for support until he gave a scream and came, trembling violently. A few seconds later Seto followed, moaning his lover's name.

Satiated, they finally went to sleep, the hologram still glowing violet all around them.


	5. Yami Neferbre

**Author:** Yami Neferbre  
**Title: Project From Hell **  
**Disclaimer**: I do not own Yugioh  
**Paring**: BakuraXMalik and SetoXYami  
**Rating**: NC 17  
**Warning**: language, humor (hopefully), and sexual content  
**Spoilers**: None  
**Summary: **it's the round robin, I hope all of you know what the plot is

**CHAPTER FIVE**

PROJECT FROM HELL

"I'm going to lose it," screamed Yugi finally gaining the attention of the two bickering Egyptians nearby. Violet eyes usually innocent seemed to glow with heated anger and frustration, "SHUT UP! I need to eat on peace".

The two gazed at him in shock, Yugi had been acting like a child since K had been there last night, and the sudden outburst had put them into brief shock. Chocolate and lavender eyes averted briefly to lock together only to turn back to Yugi, Malik sighed, "alright, truce," he said shoving his hand towards Bakura.

Eyeing the hand with obvious disgust and reluctance Bakura took a step back, "are you insane, hell no, I'll go fuck a cow before I'll make a truce with you," he growled, turning on his heels he stomped out of the house, grabbing his backpack and school jacket on the way.

Heaving a sigh Yugi rubbed his temple in frustration before glancing at his stuffed teddy, Ludwig, the teddy bear seemed to be smiling at him mockingly, giving out a small growl he gave up and began to swish his finger around in the cereal bowl, he was 'five-years-old after all right.

"Sorry about that Yugi," murmured Malik sitting down, "you've gotta be sick of that by now".

Yugi gave him an 'no shit Sherlock' type look before turning his attention back on playing with his cereal, at the moment it seemed like the most fascinating thing to him at the moment. He needed sugar, if he was going to act like a five-year-old he needed energy, false energy maybe, but endless energy nonetheless. Scrunching his nose at his sugar-less cereal he pushed it away and rose to his feet, intent on finding something more to his liking in the fridge.

"Eat your breakfast," Malik insisted, narrowing his eyes at the discarded bowl, "it can't be that bad Yugi, I ate it for crying out loud".

Yugi shot a glare at him, "if you want me to be in a good mood mommy," he said emphasizing the last word, "you'll let me have some cake for breakfast".

Crocking a brow Malik rose to his feet, "hell no kiddo, no chocolate for breakfast, I'll find you some fruit instead. Chocolate is bad for you".

"But mommy," Yugi wined giving Malik his version of puppy dog eyes, the eyes that usually brought even Yami down in a heart beat, "I want chocolate".

For a moment Malik stared at those eyes trying to resist the immense cuteness and pleading. But he felt his pride crumbling, damn that Pharaoh's hikari and being good at getting his own way. Biting his lip he tried to look away but found it impossible, those large violet eyes watering and near crying with that trembling bottom lip kept him locked in place. Damn this kid.

"Fine, one piece, that's it," he said in defeat, "but I want some too".

Yugi smiled, "but you said it was bad for you mommy," he said playfully, his good mood coming back.

"Oh well, a little chocolate won't do much," Malik shrugged and ruffled Yugi's hair.

"What about pop with it mommy".

"No". The eyes came again. "Fine, pop too".

* * *

Gasping as cold water hit his skin Yami felt the sleep leaving his body instantly, and the soreness in his rear from the night before becoming even more noticeable. Growling he turned the water on full blast, he was going to kill Joey as soon as he got out of the shower. He yelped and turned the water down when the temperature became boiling, with another growl and leaned against the shower doors, Joey was really pushing it now.

His little 'son' would learn the hard way that playing with the water temperature in the basement was the most foolish thing you could ever do to a sore Pharaoh in the morning.

Quickly he washed up; making sure that the soreness had fully left his body before vacating the warmth of the shower. Stepping onto cool tiles he grabbed the towel that he had set out and quickly dried off, then running a brush through his hair he strode out into the bedroom that he and Seto shared.

The CEO had already showered and was probably downstairs making something to eat, Mokuba was probably on the Game Cube waiting for the food, and Joey, well that he did not know yet.

Finding that he had forgotten to wash his uniform last night Yami scowled and pulled the uniform out of the hamper, luckily he always woke up at six, with or without the alarm clock. But in this two hours before school started he was usually alone with Seto in this very room. Opening the door with his uniform in his hand Yami was about to step out into the hallway but found that a firm body was blocking his path, hitting it head on he fell to the floor with a small cry, his rear end sore again but this time for a different reason. Sitting up Yami glared up at the person who had knocked him down thinking that it was Joey, he was dead wrong.

With a yelp Yami closed his legs and grabbing his uniform tried to cover his extremely exposed body from K. The substitute teacher stared down at him with a wicked smile, "I was coming up to warn you that I am watching your family for today".

Jaw dropping Yami stared up at K incredulously, the man was staring at him now in was that made his skin crawl. 'Wait' he thought to himself 'shit this is my teacher' shuddering in disgust he glanced down the hallway hopping that Seto had heard him, "alright, you have warned me, now may you please leave the premises so I can move around in my own home without worrying that you'll stalk me".

K laughed loudly, "I'm allowed to go anywhere that I want, now hurry up and get dress so that I can watch your parenting skills".

Growling Yami fumbled with the uniform to cover his body even more, "um, leave now, I need to put my clothing in the washer, leave".

Crocking a brow K closed his eyes, "this is the only way that I will leave you alone".

Rising hurriedly to his feet Yami snapped, "perverted stalker," before running down the stairs and towards the laundry room. During that time he dashed past a startled Jou and Mokuba who watched him in bewilderment before K slowly followed the same path that Yami had, only at a leisure pace.

"Where's your stuffed animal," K demanded, stopping briefly. Jou glanced beside him and realized that he did not have that blasted mutt with him, rising to his feet he stomped up the stairs, this was not going to be a good day.

* * *

"Can I die now?"

"No," said Yugi firmly, as they sat down in the class together, his dark half moaned and buried his face in his hands. Crocking a brow Yugi leaned back in his seat as his other classmates began to make their way in, "it can't be that bad Yami".

Lifting his head crimson eyes flashing Yami scooted closer to his hikari, "bullshit, that's the understatement of the century".

"What did he do," Yugi asked, uncertain if he wanted to know.

"He decided to come tell me that he was there watching how Seto and I parent just after I got out of the shower, I was in a very compromising position in nothing but a towel. The bastard is lucky that he caught me off guard or there would have been hell to pay," Yami growled out.

"What for," asked Ryu as he sat behind the two with Honda and Anzu.

Sighing Yami ran his digits through his hair, "nothing Ryu, I was just startled this morning to find our teacher in my house, and to add to that when I found out, I ran into him, fell and was rather exposed in nothing but a towel. So all in all I had a fucking wonderful morning," he said sarcastically as he rested his head on his desk, a pounding headache making it known.

"Where's Seto," asked Yugi, "do he know".

"No, he doesn't, and I have no idea where he is, he usually beats me to this class".

As if on cue Seto strode into the room, Jou behind him, sitting down in the desk neck to Yami he wrapped an arm around his lover's shoulders, "Yugi, you need to go control your parents," he whispered angrily.

Yugi grunted, "eh, no, I'm the five-year-old remember".

"True enough," muttered Yami.

"Well think of it this way Yug, they have yet to kill each other," said Jou trying to lighten the situation while he poked the belly of his stuffed animal out of boredom.

The immense bang of the door slamming shut caught the attention of those in the room, silencing the cheerful (for the most part) conversations. K strode towards his desk dropping a file upon it before leaning against the sleek dark colored wood, "well, out of what I've seen so far all of you are now partially doing what you are supposed to be doing.

"But there is one problem, you stupid kids need to be more like kids, I've only found one of you kids that's screaming and wining enough. So either all of you are on a pretty good leash or have something shoved up your asses that prevents you from doing any childish things," he said glancing at each of the students, lingering on certain individuals before moving on, "now get up, start screaming and provide me some more entertainment. The last entertaining thing I had today was early this morning. Now be five-year-olds for the rest of class, or its detentions for everyone".

Yugi glanced briefly at Yami, the Pharaoh was glaring daggers at the substitute, allowing himself a small laugh he rose to his feet like all the other 'kids' and began his childish rituals. Then he realized something, his 'parents' were nowhere in sight. Jaw dropping and eyes widening impossibly he let a single word slip his mouth, "shit".

* * *

Hissing at the feeling of cool water splashing on his face Bakura scrubbed his face making sure that nothing was left from his meal at lunch before he began to fish around for the paper towel. His fingers slid across the counter, searching and running through used water that had been discarded on the surface. Scrunching his nose in disgust he shifted over, he did not remember the paper towel being that far away from him.

Just then a large clump of the rough papery substance was shoved into his hands, snapping his eyes open not caring that water was blurring his vision he stared in shock at the person whom had handed the paper towel to him.

"What are you doing here, Blondie, you're supposed to be in class," he snapped drying his face and hands.

"So are you," Malik shot back, crossing his arms.

"Yeah, well, you're the goody goody, now get yer ass away from me, I'm not in the mood for arguing, even though I usually love it," Bakura said tossing the paper towel into the garbage.

"I came here to talk about that very thing," Malik stated crossing his arms, "we need to stop arguing, the sooner we stop doing that, the easier this project will become, and the faster it will finish".

Chuckling Bakura moved towards the door, "yeah that's what everyone says, now get out of my way so that I can skip class". Before he could reach the door Malik stepped in front of him, firmly blocking his path, Bakura growled threateningly, "Seriously, get out of my way before I beat your ass".

Lavender eyes started at him angrily, "I'm serious Bakura, we need to start getting along, at least for these next few weeks while the project is going on".

"And I was pretty damn serious too, get out of my way," he said firmly stomping his foot.

"Why can't you at least try, or is that too damn hard for you to do, is that how low your competence level is," he stopped as a fist slammed into the tile wall next to his head, gasping he took a step back as Bakura's face moved rapidly towards his till they were only an inch apart.

"Because, it's who I am," Bakura hissed, "now get out of my way".

"No".

"I'm warning you Malik, I'll make you move".

"I'm not going anyway where," Malik said firmly, "now either we are going to get along or…."

"Or what," bellowed Bakura, "we'll fail this assignment. Sure why the hell not, I don't give a shit about his project. I hate it. As far as I'm concerned, it can go to hell, and that teacher can fuck himself".

"Did you think about Yugi and I, what about us, what if we want to do good on this project. Fuck, are you so heartless that you can't even try and think about others," Malik snapped.

"Have I ever cared about other people".

"You should learn Bakura," snapped Malik, frustration and anger in his voice, "you might find that people care about your well being, and that someone might actually love you. Think about that Tomb Robber".

With that Malik left the bathroom, leaving Bakura stunned and for once speechless.


	6. Lomelindi

PROJECT FROM HELL

Author: Lomelindi

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. When in doubt, blame my brother.

Pairings: Bakura/Malik, Seto/Yami

Rating: PG-13 for foul language and suggested sexual content

Note: This thing wrote itself. Really. At about one in the morning. I have no idea where most of the ideas came from, and the sheer absurdity of some of them kinda scares me. Oo;; I think maybe I was trying too hard to be funny, lol. Anyhoo, enjoy! (I apologize for any plot holes cuz I don't remember exactly what happened in the previous chapters...)

* * *

The hell with class. Bakura spent the next hour or so blinking and staring at himself in the mirror, confused beyond all reason. Sometime around noon, he finally left the bathroom and stalked to the cafeteria with a scowl that would have made Kaiba proud. 

He was met by total and utter chaos. "Parents" were near tears and bickering amongst themselves, while their "children" had apparently lost all shreds of sanity. Many of the boys were running around like madmen, screaming bloody murder and brandishing their dolls like weapons. The girls were busy bawling and pulling at each other's hairs or, better yet, pulling at their fathers'. A few mini food fights broke out here and there, and Bakura raised an eyebrow as someone's shoe went sailing past his head.

He was _not _going to ask.

Yugi's friends were scattered amongst the other students, divided into their own separate family units. Honda and Anzu were currently scrubbing madly at Ryou's pale hair, being that the boy had gotten hit in the head with a plate of red jello (most likely Jou's fault, if the victorious grin on the blonde's face was any hint.) Sitting nearby with Yami and Kaiba, the blonde had apparently announced war on the rest of the cafeteria and was hunkered down against the back of his seat with a massive pot on his head, flinging jello at passer-byers with his spoon. Yami and Kaiba had apparently all but given up on him and were currently sucking each other's faces off, making out as if there was no tomorrow. Yami was astride in Kaiba's lap, his hands entangled in the brunet's hair, their torsos and arms attached by the skin. How on earth the two could carry on with banana peels flying over their heads was a mystery to Bakura, but then again, the thief could really care less.

"Yo, Pharaoh!" he called, stepping gingerly over a puddle of spilled milk. "_Pharaoh_!"

No response except for a muffled, appreciative moan.

"PHARAOH!"

Snarling, Kaiba pulled away for a second to send Bakura a glare, but Yami gave a mewl of protest and quickly pulled the CEO back in for another heated kiss.

"Pharaoh! Yo, Priest! PHARAOH!" Bakura scowled. He had a thing about being ignored; he didn't like it very much. He stalked up to the couple, took a second to consider how suicidal he felt, and then slapped Yami hard on the ass.

Yami yelped.

Almost instantly, Kaiba was up and had Bakura by the throat, his cold blue eyes boiling with rage. "What. The. FUCK!" he demanded in a frightfully calm tone.

Bakura shrugged him off and attempted to act casual. "You see Malik anywhere?"

"No," grumbled Yami, rubbing his rather sore behind. He glared at Bakura. "I thought he went to find you."

"He _did_ find me," Bakura remarked with his own glare, "but I lost him after."

Kaiba growled at him and sat back down, pulling Yami back in his lap. "He probably went to go pull the fire alarm or something. Now shoo, we have more important matters to attend to."

Yami giggled and happily offered his mouth, but before Kaiba would ravish him again, he felt Bakura sink a hand in his spikes and pull. Hard. "OW! What the hell is your problem, Tomb Robber?"

"That's it," Kaiba hissed, placing Yami effortlessly on the edge of the table and advancing on Bakura. "Touch him _one_ more time and I swear to Ra, I'll--"

Bakura calmly flicked the CEO on the nose. "Don't get your highly-placed panties in a bunch, Priest. You can go screw him later. Its not like I injured his equipment or anything... or yours, for that matter." Turning away from the baffled CEO, Bakura glared heatedly at Yami. "Where's your aibou then?"

"Hiding under the table, dad," came the muffled reply by Bakura's foot. "And I'm not coming out there until someone knocks out Jou and I can get all this crap out of my hair."

Bakura folded his arms and glanced under the table, faintly making out the shape of Yugi's wild hair in the darkness. "Where the hell is Malik, _son_?"

Yugi blinked and wiped a bit of corn off his cheek. "I think he ditched school. He's really pissed at you, but he wouldn't tell me why." He made a face. "He said he needed some porn 'cause Seto-kun and Yami weren't going at it fast enough."

Bakura's eyebrows shot up. So Malik wanted to get laid, was that it? The guy was going to resort to some half-rate PORN? Poor thing...

His train of thought was abruptly broken when Yugi suddenly shrieked like a banshee.

A split second later, Jou dove under the table, grinning madly and bradishing another bowl of jello. "Heeeeello there, poppet!"

"ACK! No, stop, Jou!" Yugi giggled, hitting the boy with his teddy as the blonde proceeded to smothering him with globes of jello and strong, tickling hands. "STOP IT! JJJOOOOOUUUU!"

"What the hell are you two doing!" came Kaiba's voice, his irritated blue eyes appearing under the edge of the table.

Jou paused in mid-tickle-fest and looked startled, as if that question had never occurred to him before. He took a second to consider his psuedo-father's words, then looked up and grinned brightly. With slow deliberation, he reached over, took a spoonful of jello and raised the weapon upward.

Kaiba's eyes widened.

SPLAT.

Bakura very quickly and very wisely decided that it was time to leave. He turned and scrambled away from the horrific scene, quickly perfecting what Otogi called "the art of hauling ass."

The last things Bakura heard before he fled out of the cafeteria were Kaiba's enraged war cry and the sound of a table flipping over.

* * *

"Godsforsaken, Ra-blasted, MORON of an albino THIEF!" Malik lightly bounced his forehead off the wet tiles of the tub. "DAMN HIM!" 

He paused as a while, panting as he rested his tired head against the wall. The sound of the steaming shower and his harsh breathing filled the otherwise silent air.

Did he honestly like the blasted Tomb Robber? Need him even ask himself that?

The Egyptian heaved a sigh and pushed himself off the wall, tilting his head back as he let the warm spray of water trail over his slick skin and through his wet hair.

Did Bakura even like him back?

Well now, wasn't that the million dollar question?

Malik cursed under his breath, dipping his head forward to let the water sink into his hair and drip through his soaked bangs.

He was an idiot. A complete and hopeless loser. Bakura was insane and psychotic by nature. When and if he enlisted Malik's companionship in anything, it was only because Malik was the only one that didn't get queasy at the thought of spilling someone's guts. Otherwise, their flirting, their teasing, their fighting... That wasn't anything real, right?

Malik sighed and turned of the water, throwing the room into sudden and unnerving silence. Drip... Drop... He ran a hand through his thick blond locks, fighting the urge to just tear the golden strands out.

What would Ishizu think of all this? What would she think of her little brother falling for the one person that she didn't have a shred of respect for or didn't believe was even relatively sane?

Malik buried his face in his hands.

Ishizu would disown him, that's what. At the very least she¡¦d bitch-slap him to China.

With a heavy sigh, the young man opened the shower curtain and reached for a towel.

"Lalalala"

What the…

Malik froze. The sound was coming from downstairs.

"Crappy.. Crappy..." The sounds of something being tossed about. "Crappy... Even crappier... Lalala."

Malik's eyes widened. HUMMING! Who the hell was in his house! His sister sure didn't sing, and his sister sure didn't have a man's voice, either. Heart pounding and still dripping wet, the Egyptian quickly wrapped a towel around his slim waist and began searching desperately around the bathroom for some kind of weapon.

Toothbrushes... Hair brushes... Hair gel... Shampoo... Lipstick... Nair... Tweezers... Pads... Pantyliners... Tampons...

Malik sweatdropped. Oh, sure, he could _so_ imagine throwing masses of pads at the enemy. "Sweet Anubis..." he grumbled, driving into the cabinet under the sink, "WOMEN these days..."

Minutes later, a very harassed-looking Malik appeared triumphantly with a bottle of shaving cream clutched in his hand. "YES!" Sure, it would have been better if he could find Ishizu's mace, but then again, desperate situations called for desperate measures.

Taking a deep breath, Malik pressed himself against the bathroom door and listened carefully for any sign of the burglar. The guy was still downstairs cursing and throwing stuff around. Pleased, the Egyptian quietly tip-toed out of the bathroom and down the stairs, holding his breath the entire way.

He peeked carefully around the bend of the stairs, eyes wide. The thief was hidden from sight between the sofa and the TV and was currently happily tossing about little black boxes.

Malik watched with mild alarm was one sailed across his line of sight. His PORN! _NO_!

With a war cry, the half-naked Egyptian launched himself off the stairs, over the sofa, and onto the thief. "GOTCHA!"

"OOF!"

The two went down hard. There was a brief struggle, some grunts, some curses, some knee-in-groins... before Malik suddenly found himself on top of the other, sitting triumphantly on the man¡¦s chest and spraying shaving cream everywhere.

There was a vivid curse. "RADAMN YOU, ISHTAR, YOU PSYCHO BASTARD!"

Malik stopped, horrified.

The man under him... with that striped shirt... and the white hair... and that blood-curdlingly evil voice...

Malik gulped, dropping the can of shaving cream. His blood ran cold. Oh dear Ra, he was dead. Dead dead dead. Dead as a doornail. Deader than that bloody Pharaoh ever will be.

Growling, Bakura shoved the stunned Egyptian off of him, dumping the blonde unceremoniously on the ground. He rubbed furiously at the burning shaving cream in his eyes. "What the fuck is your problem?" he demanded, shaking his head madly in desperation, "You are so... SO—" He blinked open bleary amber eyes. "--naked."

Silence.

A slow, feral grin crept onto Bakura's face, the discomfort in his eyes momentarily forgotten. "Well now..." he murmured gleefully.

Malik gulped, daring to look down at himself. In his struggle against the thief, his towel had suddenly and tragically disappeared. He gasped, curling his legs up and blushing furiously. "You sick pervert! How the HELL did you get in! And don't look at me like that!"

"I'll look at you as I damn well please."

Malik scowled, lunging for the nearest sofa cushion and throwing it at Bakura. It hit Bakura straight between the eyes, making a nice "phoof" sound as it did so.

Deciding to take his chances, the blonde Egyptian made a mad dash for the stairs, only to be tackled from behind and flattened to the ground. He hissed in pain and annoyance, struggling madly. "OOF! Dammit, Bakura! GET OFF!"

Bakura flipped him around and held him down by the wrists, the grin on his face nothing less than feral. His nose was frightfully close to Malik's. "You know, its not nice to not greet your guests."

"Go shag a sheep," Malik hissed, squirming and trying to knee Bakura in the groin.

"Sheep's smell."

Malik's eye twitched. "Now how would you know?"

"It says so on TV."

Malik raised an eyebrow and let that one slide. "Bakura, I'm serious," he said, using the grave tone his sister always used on him, "I want to get dressed. So get OFF."

Bakura shifted his weight, grinning from ear to ear. "But I kinda like you naked."

Malik snapped, struggling madly and managing to bonk Bakura on the nose. "GET THE HELL OFF ME, YOU PERVERTED WHITE-HAIRED FREAK!"

"You know, getting louder isn't really going to help you." Bakura's eyes twinkled. "I rather like screamers."

Malik muttered a curse that would have scandalized the dead.

The tomb robber rolled his eyes and suddenly swooped down to kiss the blonde. On the lips. Using tongue.

Malik stiffened in shock, his jaws falling unconsciously slack so Bakura could ravish his open mouth with a wet, hot tongue. "Mmmghh..." The blonde gave a strangled moan, his eyes fluttering shut despite himself. His arms came up to cling to Bakura's shirt, tugging at it desperately.

Bakura pulled away slightly, breathless and grinning. He brushed noses with the flushed boy below him, eyeing him critically. "So... would you rather have me or your crappy porn videos?"

BHAM!

The door to the Kaiba Manor snapped open with unnatural force. The sound echoed eerily through the elegant hallways before being drowned out by a high shriek.

"Ack, no, hey! LEGGO! Ow! CHILD ABUSE! SOMEONE CALL 9-11! AAAIIEEE!" Jou landed harshly on his rear, skidding across the marble tiles and leaving a nice streak of melted ice cream in the process. The boy grumbled something rude, picking himself up and scowling at the open door. "I have two feet. I can walk, you know."

The great Seto Kaiba, covered in pink ice cream and great globes of jello, stepped through said door with blood and murder in his eyes. He was all but steaming from the ears. "Go. To. Your. _Room,"_ he growled in an extremely forced tone, his breathing harsh.

Jou eep-ed. "Yessir, rightaway, sir," he whimpered before hauling ass upstairs. If he had a tail, it would be firmly tucked between his legs.

Kaiba watched him go before he sagged tiredly against the nearest wall, his left eye twitching.

"Love?" Slender arms wrapped around him from behind, a warm cheek resting against his back. "You alright?"

"I don't see why we can't just disown him," the CEO growled, rubbing his pounding temple.

Yami sighed and kissed the slick leather of his lover's trench coat lightly. "C'mon, lets get a drink..." he purred, taking Seto's hand and pulling him to the nearest kitchen.

That was how Seto found himself a while later, sitting on a stool against one of the Manor's many mini-bars, downing another shot of vodka as his lover did the same.

Yami crawled drowsily into Seto's lap. "You, Mr. Kaiba," he slurred as his lover refilled their shot glasses, "are trying to get me drunk."

"Oh, darn," Seto replied with a wide grin, "You caught onto my plan." He leaned down and licked a streak of half-hardened ice-cream on his lover's cheek. Yami looked so cute cuddled up to him like that, all flushed and covered with splatters of food.

The pharaoh looked up at him with bleary crimson eyes, letting out a drunk giggle. "Here, you've got some on your cheek, too..." He reached up and pulled Seto down, giving the man's cheek a few short laps of his pink tongue.

Seto chuckled and shifted his head, capturing said muscle as it disappeared back into his lover's mouth. Yami moaned and obediently opened his lips, letting Seth ravish his hot mouth with a slick tongue. Their kiss grew hotter and hotter, their bodies suddenly pressed together like second skin.

They pulled away briefly for air, then went right back to kissing, their passion getting the best of them. It wasn't soon after that Yami ended up sitting on the edge of the counter, his legs around Seto's waist, his arms around Seto's neck. Seto was currently ravishing the boy senseless with his mouth, one of his hands disappearing up Yami's tight shirt to roll a beaded nipple in his hand.

"Oh gods..." Yami whimpered, tossing his head back as Seto released his swollen lips to nibble at his neck. "Yesssss..." He sank his hands into Seto's hair and jerked his hips, letting Seto feel just how aroused he was.

The CEO merely smirked against Yami's skin and tweaked the captive nipple harder, ripping an appreciative groan from his petit lover.

"OOH!" squealed a new voice, startling the lovers out of their reverie, "GROUP HUG!"

Jou tackled the two, squeezing them in a giant bear hug. Seto grunted in surprise, his head knocking painfully against Yami's. "Awww, we all love each other!" The blonde released the startled lovers and began to prance around, grinning at the look of pure fury that was growing on Seto's face. "Its like what they say on Barney, Daddy!" He raised his voice to a feverish, sing-song tone, "I love youuuu, you love meeeee, we're one happy faaammiiiilllyyyy...!"

The whole Kaiba Manor rocked on its foundation with Kaiba's enraged roar. "THAT'S IT, MUTT! I'M GETTING YOU NEUTERED!"


	7. Pysche

Title: Round Robin Chapter 7  
Author: Pysche  
Pairing: Bakura/Malik, Seto/Yami, and an extra surprise pairing  
Rating: PG-13  
Warnings: **Lime, semi-consensual sex  
**Summary: Bakura and Malik have sex, and Yugi and Jou go on a play-date.

**A/N:** There was a lemon in this chapter, but since the rating is PG-13 it was taken out and only posted at the group. So if things don't seem to 'flow' right at certain parts that's why.

* * *

Silence. Complete and utter silence, broken only by ragged breathing and the uneven thump of two racing hearts, filled the home of Isis and Malik Ishtahl as Malik lay on the living room floor, naked and dripping and with an obviously turned-on psychotic tomb robber sprawled on top of him.

Malik gulped.

"Well? Which is it? Me or the porno? It's not every day you get an opportunity like this one," Bakura drawled, taking the opportunity to lick the other's neck. "I assure you, you'll enjoy it."

"Bakur-aaah! Stop it! Get off of me!" the blonde protested, squirming and trying not to enjoy the lips on his neck.

"Don't tell me you don't want this," the other growled against Malik's throat. "You've been all over me since the day this project began, my darling _wife_."

Malik shuddered, squeezing his eyes tightly shut as he whispered, "I do… I do want you… but not like this. I'm not some slut that you can rape in the middle of the living room floor!"

The tomb robber's hand slid lower, cupping Malik's half-hard arousal and stroking it a few times until the blonde arched and moaned under him. "Oh really? Your body seems to disagree," Bakura murmured dangerously, his face still buried in the other's neck. He trailed wet kisses up the line of Malik's jaw, sucking confidently on the tiny indentation in the skin just between his jaw and ear as if he knew it would be one of Malik's sweet spots.

It was.

The blonde Egyptian screamed, thrashing wildly and breaking Bakura's one-handed grip on his arms, but instead of shoving the other off him he merely tangled his fingers in Bakura's thick white hair as the tomb robber continued to suck on that spot and lazily stroke Malik's arousal.

"Ba… Ba…ku…kura… stop, please," he whimpered, even as he clenched his eyes shut even tighter in ecstasy and arched his back in a perfect bow off the floor. "Not like this, not… like…"

Bakura abruptly tore his mouth away from the other's neck and stopped groping Malik long enough to lift himself up a bit and glare at the blonde, meeting Malik's gaze as violet eyes slid open in slight surprise. "Why not? It's what you wanted, isn't it?"

Malik flushed, turning his head to avoid the other's gaze. "It wouldn't mean anything. And… it'll hurt."

Bakura smirked. "I'm sure you've got some lubrication stashed somewhere around here."

"That's not what I meant!" Malik snapped. "Just get off me, Bakura!"

Unsurprisingly, the tomb robber disobeyed, and instead of moving off of the blonde cupped Malik's cheek in one hand, turning his face back toward the other, and lowered his lips to meet Malik's in a slow, languid kiss. When they finally broke apart, Malik's face flushed and angry and Bakura's strangely expressionless, the tomb robber murmured something that made Malik's heart do a sudden, painful flop deep in his chest.

"Who says it wouldn't mean anything? You are my wife, after all."

* * *

"Hello? Bakura? Malik? Er… I mean Mommy? Daddy? Is anyone home?" Yugi glanced around the empty house, pocketing his keys and hugging his teddy close to him. He sighed. "Where did those two go? Did they leave me home alone? I sure hope K doesn't show up…"

The violet-eyed boy wandered through the house for a few minutes, idly checking the rooms to make sure he was alone before sinking onto the couch with a sigh. "Well. I wonder what happened to them? Hopefully they didn't kill each other; Malik seemed pretty mad…" He held up the teddy bear and looked it straight in its glossy plastic eyes.

"What do I do now?"

It didn't answer, of course.

Yugi grinned. "That's a good idea. Maybe Ryou will know where his Yami is!" The spiky-haired boy grabbed the cordless phone off the couch – then paused and glanced at his bear again, raising an eyebrow. He shook his head. "I've been pretending to be a kid toooo long."

Honda answered after the fifth ring, just as Yugi was about to hang up. "Hello?" he snapped.

"Er… hey Honda. Can I talk to Ryou?"

"Oh, hello Yugi. I'm sorry; he's in time-out right now. He's not allowed to use the phone."

"Time-out? What for?"

"He put bugs in his mom's shampoo… Will you stop crying Anzu! It's not that bad, just go wash it out!"

Yugi fought down a snicker and pleaded with Honda. "Can I just speak to him for a second, please? It's important. Or will you at least ask him if he knows where Bakura is?"

There was silence over the line for a moment, and Yugi could almost see the softening expression on Honda's face. "Ah… Did your dad disappear on you, kid? Hang on and I'll ask him." Yugi heard a slight thud as the other laid the phone down, and Honda's strained voice cried in the background, "For god's sake, Anzu, use my shampoo! No, I don't mind! Just stop crying!"

A minute later he returned to the phone. "Sorry, Yug', Ryou says he hasn't seen him. Are you there by yourself? I can come pick you up; you're too young to be home alone…"

A disturbing clatter sounded in the background, and Yugi hastily muttered, "No that's okay! I'm fine," before hanging up and dropping the phone on the couch.

Honda took this parent thing _way_ too seriously.

* * *

Malik groaned deep in his throat as Bakura assaulted his neck with another barrage of wet kisses. "Asking me… to perform… my wifely duties, are you?" he gasped, tangling his fingers in the thick white hair just under his chin. Ra, but Bakura's mouth felt so _good_. He knew, he _knew_ that he would regret this later, when the tomb robber's lust was sated and he was back to being his psychotic, selfish… self; but it was all he could do not to get lost in the moment, to pretend like he and Bakura really were married and it wasn't all some demented game.

Besides, if anybody was as screwed up as Bakura it was Malik himself. Whoever said that things between them would be easy?

And Bakura was HOT.

So, Malik arched under the white-haired thief, purposefully this time, and ground their hips together until he felt Bakura stiffen on top of him and growl in obvious arousal. The blonde Egyptian took advantage of the other's momentary stillness and slid his hands under Bakura's shirt, running skilled fingers over the pale, smooth chest above him and smiling when the other let out a low moan.

"Mmm… Glad to see you've finally decided to see things my way."

The tomb keeper and the tomb robber's lips met once again, hungrily, fierce lust oozing from every pore of their bodies as wandering tongues echoed the action of wandering hands. Malik could barely see; everything disappeared in a yellow haze except for Bakura's wild touch and the rough carpet under his back.

He screamed.

"Somehow I knew you'd be a screamer," the white-haired teen observed, smirking, and ran his tongue once more atop that spot in the juncture of Malik's jaw and ear, making the blonde shiver. "And I haven't even done anything yet."

Malik laughed brokenly, giving a pointed look to Bakura's hands, which had slipped far below the blonde's naked waist.

Bakura followed the other's gaze and snidely echoed the other's laugh. "We've barely even started, my dear little wife," he drawled.

And he dearly wished he hadn't fallen in love with Bakura.

* * *

Jou peeked around the corner. The house was still; Seto and Yami had disappeared into one of the mansion's many rooms to continue from where Jou had interrupted them, and Mokuba was nowhere to be found. The brown-eyed blonde grinned to himself. Time to cause more chaos.

He snuck down the stairs, careful not to make a sound, and crept out the front door, breaking into a run as soon as he got out on the grounds. Ah, but this project was more fun than he could ever have imagined! He got to act like he was five, throwing food, screaming, pretending to "innocently" interrupt Kaiba from his makeout sessions, and no one said a word. Especially Kaiba. That was the best part; he could drive the arrogant CEO absolutely insane and the other couldn't do a thing about it, other than put him to bed at seven-thirty or pretend to ground him.

Besides, even that didn't work, as Jou was about to prove to the world – and Kaiba. Today Jounouchi was embarking on the newest stage of his goal in being the most annoying child ever born to sexaholic same-gender parents.

He was sneaking out.

But where could he go? "Five-year-olds" weren't exactly old enough to go to arcades by themselves, or go out drinking – though technically, neither was he, but he didn't let that stop him – and if that crazy substitute was out patrolling today Jou _knew_ he'd catch him in the act. And he really couldn't afford to fail.

Jou slowed to a walk, thinking as he strolled along the sidewalk. What did five-year-olds do for fun, besides watch Barney and annoy their parents? They _played_, right? With their friends…

"AH-HA!" the blonde shouted, throwing an arm in the air in triumph. "I'll go on a play-date with Yugi!"

A woman walking down the sidewalk with a little girl holding her hand gave Jou a funny look before hurrying past. "Mommy, is that man a psycho?" the girl asked.

"Yes dear, now keep walking," the woman replied, practically dragging her daughter behind her in her rush to escape Jou.

"Heh. Whoops," the blonde muttered. "Guess I said that too loud." He shrugged before grinning once again and breaking into a run toward Ryou's house, eager for his play-date with his best friend.

* * *

When Jounouchi knocked on the door, Yugi was lying on the couch, idly throwing the television remote in the air and catching it, grinning when it would bump against the ceiling and change the channel. The violet-eyed teen tossed the piece of metal one last time, letting it crash into the ceiling and bounce a few times on the carpet, then rolled off the couch and went to answer the door.

"HELLO YUGI!" Jou screamed as soon as his friend opened the door. "WE'RE ON A PLAY-DATE!"

Yugi winced, covering his ears. "Hey Jou… How did you know Bakura and Malik were gone?"

"Didn't," the other answered cheerfully, brushing past the smaller teen and clomping into the house. He kicked off his battered tennis shoes and sent them flying across the room, where they bounced off the far wall and left a dent before sliding to the floor. "I'm running away from Kaiba."

"Oh, I see. Well I don't know if it's a good idea for you to be here; I'm all alone. I don't know where my 'parents' got off to."

The brown-eyed male grinned widely. "Even better."

Yugi closed the door behind him, eyeing the other suspiciously. "What do you mean, Jou? I'm not sure I like that look on your face."

Jou's eyes narrowed into slits and his grin turned devious as he gazed at his friend. "Well, we're supposed to be five-year-olds, right? And parents should know better than to leave their five-year-old kids home alone, because they cause chaos."

Yugi's eyes widened. "C-chaos?" he squeaked.

"Yup. Now come on, let's go jump on the bed!" Jounouchi grabbed Yugi's arm and dragged the reluctant teen behind him until they reached Bakura's room. Then the brown-eyed teen let go of the other and leapt onto the unmade bed, sending pillows and blankets flying as he jumped recklessly up and down, his limbs flailing wildly as he bounced on the mattress.

Yugi watched for a moment, hesitating, before he shrugged and climbed up beside his friend, and the two bounced together on the squeaky mattress for a few minutes, laughing cheerily.

But then…

A loud crack split the air as the boards supporting the mattress broke in two, and Jou and Yugi tumbled into the center of the bed, which now sagged all the way to the floor, Jou sniggering loudly and Yugi panicking as their limbs tangled together in the center of the sagging mattress. The smaller teen paused in his struggling to stare down in amazement at his friend. "Why are you laughing! I'll be in so much trouble when Bakura gets home!"

Jou winked and rolled over, sending them onto the floor where they quickly separated and stood. "Who cares what those two say? You've gotta admit this was fun."

Yugi grinned a bit. "Yeah. Yeah it was. So…" he scuffed his feet on the carpet, "What do we do now?"

The other thought for a moment before running to the desk in the corner and drawing out a handful of pens and markers. "Let's draw on the walls!"

Laughing, Yugi ran over and grabbed a few of the markers from his friend, and the two of them set off running down the hall, scribbling random lines and drawing curse words and dirty pictures all over the white paint of the walls, until they finally reached the living room and collapsed together, exhausted, on the couch.

Jou snickered. "I can't wait to see Bakura's face when he sees this place."

Hot and sweaty after running all over the house, Yugi lazily fanned himself with one hand as he nodded. "Yeah, Malik won't be too happy either, but he'll forgive me if I just flirt with him a bit. Then Bakura will be too distracted by being jealous to remember to punish me."

Jou stretched and sprawled out across the couch, dangling his legs over the arm of the sofa and propping his head in Yugi's lap. The smaller teen rolled his eyes indulgently and stroked his friend's hair a bit, resting his own head against the back of the sofa and closing his eyes. Jou watched him carefully.

"Those two really do like each other, don't they?" Jou asked softly.

"Yeah, I really think they do. They give each other a lot of grief, but they're really perfect for each other. They…understand each other, I guess."

"That's hard to find. Someone who understands you, I mean," the brown-eyed blonde commented, still watching Yugi.

Yugi nodded. "Mmm." Then he opened his eyes, grinning down at Jou. "What do you want to do now? We can take all the food out of the fridge and stick it to the ceiling."

The other shook his head, sitting up. "Nah. We've played long enough. Let's get to the 'date' part."

"Huh? Jou, what are you talking ab—"

Jounouchi leaned over and kissed his friend directly on the lips.

* * *

By the time Bakura arrived back home, a silent and exhausted Malik in tow behind him, it was well past sunset and the streetlamps had been on for several hours. As he turned the key in the door, he glanced back at the tanned Egyptian behind him, whose exotic violet eyes were trained firmly on the ground.

Malik hadn't spoken a word to him since it happened, except for a perfunctory command for the thief to take a shower and then to tell him it was time to go home. What was wrong? Did he regret sleeping with Bakura? Or maybe the other was upset because, as he said before, he thought it wouldn't mean anything to Bakura, that being with Malik was as forgettable as the white-haired teen's various romps in the backseat of his car with a slew of nameless people, male and female. (Now that Bakura thought about it, it was a good thing he was an ancient Egyptian spirit with magical powers. Otherwise he'd be running quite the risk for some kind of nasty disease.)

But sleeping with Malik could never be the same as those faceless, meaningless partners. The alluring Egyptian meant something to Bakura, though he wasn't sure what it was yet. He was… important, somehow. But judging from the look on his face the other didn't know that; so, to keep his 'wife' from sulking the rest of the evening – and to keep himself in the other's good graces so he'd have another opportunity to get in his pants – Bakura turned to Malik before opening the door.

"Hey. Are you okay?"

Startled, Malik lifted his eyes from the steps to meet Bakura's steady gaze. "Y-yeah," he replied.

"Sure?" The tomb robber lifted a hand and brushed the other's dusky blonde locks from his face.

Malik smiled a bit, leaning into the touch, before he eventually nodded. "Yeah, I'm sure."

"Good," Bakura smirked, and opened the door – only to freeze in the middle of the doorway. "What the— YOU DUMB DOG! GET OFF MY SON!"

"Kura? What's going on?" Malik hurried inside and peered over Bakura's shoulder, gasping in amazement when he saw what the other was screaming about. There, on the couch, lay Jounouchi and Yugi, both missing their shirts and Yugi with his pants unbuttoned. The taller teen was sprawled on top of Yugi, gaping fearfully at Bakura, whose face was growing steadily redder and redder by the second.

"Uh… Uh… Sorry Yug', I gotta go," he mumbled, and rolled off the couch with a thud.

"YOU'D BETTER GO!" Bakura shouted at the top of his lungs, stalking into the living room as Jounouchi hurriedly tugged on his shirt. "GET OUT! And don't EVER come anywhere near Yugi again or I'll cut your balls off with a rusty knife!"

Jou visibly paled and climbed awkwardly to his feet, but before he could run out the door Bakura grabbed him by the collar, glaring furiously into Jou's wide brown eyes and ignoring the high-pitched pleas of "No, Daddy! I love him!" coming from the direction of the couch.

"Malik bring me the phone," Bakura snarled. "I've got a better idea. I'm going to call Kaiba and tell him _exactly_ what his 'son' has been up to."

Jounouchi promptly fainted.


	8. Todo

Title: Round Robin Chapter 8  
Author: Todo  
Pairing: Bakura/Malik, Seto/Yami, Jou/Yugi  
Rating: PG-13  
Warnings: Nothing P  
Summary: The consequences of destroying Bakura's house and Seto's plans for both Yami and Jou.

A/N: I don't know what I'm writing so bear with me

* * *

Yami eyed Seto warily, unsure of what to expect from him. The brunette's form was rigid, his mouth pulled into a tight, thin line. His blue eyes watched the blonde intently and if looks could kill, their "son" would've been long dead.

"Seto…?"

"Yes Yami?"

"Don't do anything you'd regret later."

"Like what?"

"Killing Jou."

"Now, why would I do something like that?" Sarcasm laced each word.

Shaking his head, Yami turned to Jou. "What do you have to say for yourself, young man?"

"Um…I'm sorry?" Came the weak reply.

"Sorry…? You're SORRY!" Seto yelled. "You're gonna be more than sorry when I'm through with you, MUTT!"

"Seto. Calm down."

"Calm down? How the hell do you expect me to calm down? This mutt of a son of ours just sneaked out of the house after he was grounded, came over here and basically destroyed Bakura's house! And he was caught groping Yugi!"

"I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for all of this, Seto."

"Ha! Reasonable. This I've got to hear."

"Well, Jou? Tell your father why you did that." Yami gave Jou a look that clearly indicated for him not to do or say anything stupid.

"Um…well, I was feeling lonely and I wanted to go out. Since I didn't wanna interrupt you and daddy, I went out by myself. I came over to Yugi's cause I wanted to go on a play date with him. And we were playing when we destroyed Bakura's house. We didn't mean to. Honest. And the part where Bakura caught me groping Yugi was the date part of the play date. I like Yugi a lot and he likes me too!" Jou nodded. "We meant no harm."

Bakura arched an eyebrow at Jou's explanation then turned to Yugi. "Is what he's saying true, son?"

Yugi nodded vigorously in affirmation to the question.

"I see." Bakura looked at Seto and Yami. "So how do you two intend to pay for your son's damages?"

"I'm not paying for anything! He's going to pay for it himself."

"But, but…"

"Seto, he's just a kid, he doesn't have money to pay for it."

"Well, he should've thought of that before he decided to wreck someone's home, now shouldn't he?"

Yami ignored him and turned to Bakura. "Seto will pay for it."

"What! I'm not p-" A look from Yami silenced his protest, though didn't stop him from fuming.

Bakura smirked. "Seems like your wife's got you whipped, Kaiba."

"Why you…"

"Let's go." Before there could be a fight, Yami dragged both Jou and Seto to the door. "Send Seto the bill, Bakura. He'll take care of it."

Without another word, the short tri-colored male dragged his taller lover and their "son" out to the awaiting limo.

* * *

"Well that went well."

Bakura snorted. "Yeah, unfortunately my house isn't in that great of a shape. Stupid mutt was lucky I didn't neuter him."

Malik looked amused. "Well, you can't neuter your son's boyfriend now can you?"

"Wait…what! He's not-" Yugi started to protest.

An evil look gleamed in Bakura's eyes as he sat down next to his ruffled child. "So, Yugi, son, when were you going to tell us about the two of you."

"But Bakura…"

"Daddy." Malik interjected.

"But Daddy, Jou and I aren't together."

"Really now? That's not what it looked like. It looked more like you two were ready to have a bout of really hot sex. Right, Sugar Dumplin?"

Malik nodded.

"See, Yugi, your mother agrees with me."

"But dad, we weren't…"

"Now now, Yugi, you can tell your mom and dad. Is he any good?"

"DADDY!"

"How many times have you two done the deed?"

Yugi looked at his "parents" helplessly, clutching at his teddy bear.

"But…"

"Bakura. Let him go."

"But Pookie, this is way too much fun. Who'd thought our baby would have a lover…"

"Mommy, can I go to my room?" Yugi looked at Malik with big teary eyes.

The Egyptian, like most people, couldn't resist Yugi's eyes. "Fine, go and think about what you've done."

"Thank you, Mommy!" Yugi jumped off the couched, gave Malik a hug and a peck on the cheeks before running up the stairs.

Malik sighed and turned to go into the kitchen. However he was stopped by a pair of arms around his waist.

"Bakura, let me go. I'm going to make dinner."

He was ignored as Bakura turned him around and kissed him hard.

Malik eyes widened a second before he pushed Bakura off him. "No."

"Malik, not this again."

"I said no, Bakura. Get it through your head." He didn't want to be another meaningless fuck to Bakura. The one time was a mistake.

"What if I don't want to?"

"That's just too damn bad for you. I've lost my appetite now. I'm going upstairs to the guestroom and going to sleep. Good night. And don't you dare come after me."

"Malik."

"No, Bakura." Malik left Bakura standing in the living, staring after him.

"What the hell just happened?"

* * *

There was a nervous tension in the air on the limo ride back to the Kaiba mansion. Seto glared angrily out the window, ignoring both Yami and Jou. Jou sat blessedly silent, staring at the limo's carpeting. Yami looked between the two and sighed. It was stupid thing to do, making Seto pay for it, but Jou was their "son" right? So it was only natural. He felt bad for making Seto seemed whipped, but if no one paid for the damages, there would be another argument and he simply wasn't in the mood for one.

"Mr. Kaiba, we're here." The chauffer said, opening the door.

Seto got out and stalked to the front door. Yami and Jou followed silently.

Pulling the front door open, Seto waved the two in, a gleam in his eyes.

"Seto…?" Yami asked, eyeing Seto apprehensively when the door was shut behind them.

"Yes, love?"

"Um…are you angry?"

"Angry? No, of course not. However, I do have a little punishment for our 'son' here."

"Seto…don't hurt him."

"Oh, I won't be hurting him." Seto shot Jou a look, "Follow me, mutt."

Jou was about to protest, but Yami gave him a look and he followed silently.

The three walked and stopped in front of what appeared to be the movie room. Yami blinked. What in the world was Seto planning?

"You like play dates, don't you, _son_?" Seto asked.

"Um…yes…" The gleam in Seto's eyes made Jou nervous.

"Good." Seto walked into the room and indicated for Jou to take a seat.

"Don't move."

Searching through the huge inventory of videos, Seto finally stopped at one. The evil smile on Seto's face clearly indicated that this wasn't just an entertainment video for Jou.

"Um…dad? Can I go to my room?"

"You want to go to your room? No. The last time I sent you to your room, you left. So you're gonna watch a little movie."

"What movie, Seto?"

Ignoring Yami, Seto popped the movie into the VCR and pressed play.

"Seto…that's in English."

"I know, but don't worry, it has Japanese subtitles." Turning to Jou, Seto gave him a glare. "There are video cameras in this room, mutt, if you move out of your seat before this video is over, I will have you neutered."

Jou nodded mutely as he stared at the giant screen.

"Good. Let's go, Yami." Seto led Yami out and closed the door, locking it.

"Seto? What movie was that?"

A smirk played on Seto's face. "The Miracle of Life."

Yami's eyes widened. "You didn't!"

"I did."

"But Seto…"

"No. If wants to go on 'play dates' against our orders, he's going to have to see the consequences of it."

A loud scream from the room made Yami wince. "But Seto…"

"And I'm not done with you either."

"Seto?"

"You're going to take Mokuba to the amusement park."

Yami blinked. That was it? "When?"

"Today."

"Why…?"

"Because." The tone in Seto's voice left no room for argument.

"Alright."

* * *

Yami collapsed on the bench, exhausted from chasing after the ball of energy named Mokuba. He had been right; it was way too easy when Seto said that he had to take Mokuba to the amusement park. He did end up taking Mokuba, but only after Seto fed Mokuba a bag of sugar. And everyone knew that Mokuba Kaiba on sugar was bad. It was really bad. Yami had been left alone to deal with the younger Kaiba. Within the first half hour, he had been ready to jump off the tallest ride just to get away from Mokuba, but alas, he could not do that. It had been three hours and Mokuba was still bouncing.

"Yami!"

Oh dear Ra, couldn't he get any peace? "Yes, Mokuba?"

"I wanna go on that roller coaster! And you're coming with me!"

"Mokuba…I don't…"

Big watery eyes looked at him. Yami sighed. "Alright."

"Yay!" The boy dragged Yami to the ride.

Yami looked at it, paling at the various loops and curves. "Mokuba…"

"You promised!" Mokuba pouted.

"Alright alright." Yami followed as Mokuba flashed his VIP pass and was allowed onto the ride.

"Um…Mokuba?"

"Yes, Yami?"

"Is this ride safe?"

"Of course,"

"That's good."

"But people have gotten stuck on the highest loops before."

Crimson eyes went wide, but before he could get off, the ride started. As the ride went up, Yami sighed in relief. Maybe this wouldn't be too bad.

However he wasn't prepared for the sharp drop. His eyes clenched and he prayed that if he got out of this alive, he would never ever, directly or indirectly, embarrass Seto Kaiba in front of others again.

The consequences were really scary.


	9. Miko

Title: Project from Hell: Ch. 9  
Author: Bishonen no Miko  
Rating: PG-13  
Pairing: Seto + Yami, Bakura + Malik, Jou + Yugi  
Spoilers: none  
Warnings: swearing  
Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh! is the creation of Kazuki Takahashi. Cheerios are a product of General Mills. This is a not-for-profit fanwork and I do not own any of these characters.  
Summary: Jou is traumatized. Bakura gets a clue. And Seto and Yami get to explain the birds and the bees to more kids. Yes… K's class project from hell continues on.  
Status: 9 ?

* * *

**The Project from Hell**

**Ch. 9: Pot Roasts and Cheerios**

Yami decided that he never wanted to see another amusement park again as long as he lived. After he had thrown up twice on a single rollercoaster, Mokuba finally relented and agreed to go home.

The first thing the pair noticed when they arrived back at the mansion late that evening was Jou sitting on the first landing of the staircase. He had his arms curled around his knees and was rocking back and forth, muttering something about pushing a pot roast through a Cheerio. Both Yami and Mokuba looked at him quizzically. "Jou, are you all right?"

Jou looked up at Yami with wide brown eyes. "I don't want to have a baby with Yugi!" he wailed.

"Uh, 'Son,' you know that's physically impossible since neither you nor Yugi are girls," said Yami with a frown. Mokuba sniggered.

"I'll be good. I'll be good. I don't want to have a baby. Mommy, you shouldn't have sex with Daddy so much because you might have a baby."

Yami scratched his head. He didn't think "The Miracle of Life" would be so… traumatizing. "Jou. I'm a guy. Seto's a guy. We're not going to have a baby."

"Promise?"

"Yes, I promise."

The tall blonde blinked at his "mommy," then whispered, "You might if you don't use protection."

Mokuba laughed and headed up the stairs just as Seto was coming down.

"Protection. Um… right."

"Well, I see you just got back. Enjoy your little trip to the amusement park?" the brunette snidely asked his boyfriend. Jou looked up at Seto and cringed, much to the young billionaire's amusement.

Yami smirked. "Sure. I love puking. I puked so many times that I'm banned from most of the rides. Now gimme a kiss, Big Daddy."

Seto made a face. "No thanks," he said, holding his lover away from him as Yami leaned towards him, lips puckered.

"Mommy, no babies! You promised! Use protection!" Jou screamed, and he covered his eyes and tried to run up the stairs so fast that he tripped on a step and knocked himself out on the banister.

Seto and Yami just stared as their son's limp body slid slowly down the stairs, and then both burst into laughter. All was right in the Kaiba mansion once again.

* * *

He didn't want to do it. After all, he was the awesome and mighty Thief King, the bane of all who would stand in his way, the…

_Oh hell. Fine, I'll do it._ Glancing around one last time, he surreptitiously swiped a bouquet of mixed flowers and ran out of the convenience store. _Stupid flowers. Stupid Malik. Why am I doing this again? Oh yes, because it's the duty of the loving husband to occasionally bring his "wife" some flowers, especially if that wife is currently POed. Stupid wife! _

Bakura continued to mentally argue with himself all the way back to his house, then decided that the scowl he had pasted on his face would probably not go over so well with Malik. Composing himself before opening the door, he stepped into the house and then frowned. Malik really wasn't joking when he said he was going to bed; all the lights in the house were off, and the white-haired thief could hear nothing but the sound of his own breathing.

Fighting the urge to simply yell Malik's name until the platinum blonde stalked down the stairs, Bakura crept up to the guestroom his darling wife was staying in and pushed open the door as quietly as possible.

Malik was awake and sitting in the dark at the edge of the bed, his hair and eyes luminous in the moonlight. As Bakura slipped in, he let out an involuntary gasp; the other teen was simply gorgeous in the soft light. The tomb keeper's head whipped around at the sound and the thief stopped a few steps away from the bed. "Uhm. Here." Bakura whipped out the bouquet from behind his back and thrust them at Malik. "For you."

The tanned teen hesitantly accepted them. "You… bought me flowers?"

"I got you flowers, yes."

"Stole them, huh?"

_Of course._ He shrugged. "Yeah, but I stole them for you."

Malik sighed and began plucking absently at the leaves. _Why is he doing this? _"They're… pretty."

"Not nearly as pretty as you," Bakura blurted out, wincing at the absolute cheesiness of the statement.

Malik's lavender eyes widened momentarily, then narrowed. "You don't get it, do you?"

"Get it? Get what? If you have something to say, just spit it out! You've barely said two words to me since… since…"

The tomb keeper jumped to his feet, throwing the bouquet onto the floor. "You think you can toss some flowers at me and make everything okay? It's NOT okay! Maybe you think it's all right to just go around and fuck whomever whenever you want. But I REFUSE to be just another conquest for you... or anyone else!"

"What? Why would you…" Bakura ran his fingers through his wild hair, then clenched them in agitation. "Look. I know I have a 'reputation' and yeah, I admit, I wanted to bang you cause you're hot..."

"And it won't happen again!" Malik hissed.

"It could and would happen again… and again and again if you'd let it! I didn't know you only wanted a one-night stand, you dumb slut!"

"I DIDN'T… I mean, I…" Even in the dim light, a vivid blush could be seen on Malik's cheeks.

Bakura's brown eyes widened. "That's it, isn't it? That's why you've been a bitch to me. You thought I was just after a fling?" The thief sighed. He was no good at kissy kissy crap… "But… you're wrong. It wasn't… I didn't intend… err… I didn't want just a quick fuck, you know."

Malik grimaced. "Liar."

"Actually, I'm a thief, not a liar. There is a slight difference. But… I can't make you believe me." Frustrated, the white-haired teen picked up the bouquet and tossed it back onto the bed. "I meant what I said. And the flowers are still yours. Good night… get some sleep, okay?" He turned and left the room, heading for the sanctuary of his own bedroom. _Ra... I hope I didn't just fuck this up worse..._

Malik took one last look at the flowers and followed Bakura out of the room. "Wait."

"Hmm?" Bakura turned around and studied the blonde who stood uncertainly in the hallway.

The tanned teen lowered his eyes and studied the carpet. "Yugi's sleeping in your room. His bed got broken when his destructive little boyfriend came over."

"Oh." _I am going to KILL that stupid Mutt!_ "Well isn't this just fuckin' dandy."

"You… you can sleep with… uh, in bed. With me."

Bakura smiled thinly. "As tempting as the offer is… nah, I'll just sleep on the sofa. It's only one day; I'll live."

Lavender eyes flickered up for a moment in surprise. "Oh. But… well, I insist."

"Are you sure?"

Malik gulped and nodded. "Yes. But… just tonight. And don't try anything funny!"

A smile tugged at Bakura's lips, and he strode forward until he was standing right in front of his wife. "I won't. Thanks," he said simply, reaching up a hand to stroke silvery blonde locks. "Let's go to bed. I'm beat."

* * *

The next day, the students all turned in brief "progress reports" for K's perusal. The crazy substitute teacher began reading them in earnest, ignoring the students in favor of their papers. By the last dozen minutes or so of class, the restless students were chitchatting, running around, and just plain goofing off to pass the time. Some of the more well established family groups were eerily starting to resemble real families; Honda and Anzu were playing board games with Ryou and all three were laughing and enjoying themselves.

Other family groups… well… at least none of the parents were currently killing one another or their offspring. As usual, Yami and Seto were busy making out in the corner of the classroom while Jou nervously sat nearby, ignoring Yugi despite the shorter teen's attempts to get his attention. Bakura and Malik sat close to their son but even closer to each other, and from the looks they were shooting at each other, neither one was quite aware of where they were or what Yugi was doing.

"Psst!" Yugi whispered. "Pssssssst! Jou!"

_La la la… I hear nothing. Mommy and Daddy are making babies. Isn't that right, Muddy?_ He tossed the plush dog in the air.

Yugi briefly considered throwing his teddy at his sort-of boyfriend, but didn't want to risk hurting poor Ludwig. "PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTT!"

Jou finally glanced over at Yugi, who immediately pointed at his own forehead. The blonde stupidly aped the motion, accidentally poking the bandage over the bump on his head. "Ouch."

"Whaaaat haaaapppeened?" Yugi mouthed.

With a quick glance at his lip-locked parents, Jou pointed at Seto, then at Yami, made a kissy face, and then smacked his forehead with the palm of his hand, eliciting another pained groan.

Yugi quirked a brow. _They tried to get him in a three-way and… hit him over the head? _"Jouuuu… I don't geett iiit…"

K finally finished sorting through the papers and without preamble stood up and addressed the students loudly. "Oh! Forbidden love… how tragic! How sweet!" The students shut up in surprise and stared at their teacher as he waited for their attention. "Are there any parents other than Mr. Kaiba and Mr. Mutou who are dealing with a situation where their child is attempting to make out with another child? Hmm? Speak up!"

Seto broke away from Yami at the sound of his name and shot Jou, Yugi, Bakura and Malik a death glare… _someone_ had revealed what had happened during the impromptu play date in his report. Once he figured out who it was, their ass was grass.

Yugi shifted nervously under the brunette's gaze and hoped that he wouldn't get bonked over the head and dragged off for an up-close and personal appointment with Seto and Yami's bed. Seto's glare intensified and seemed to say, _You're a dead man, Yugi. A dead, dead, dead..._

K finished looking around the room and grinned before continuing his speech. "Good… that's good! Because although it may sound romantic, the truth is five-year-olds aren't supposed to be interested in molesting their playmates. Obviously, as parents Mr. Kaiba and Mr. Mutou are failing in their duties to teach their little son about the birds and the bees! So guess what? You two get to come in front of the class and teach ALL the little kiddies about the birds and the bees!"

All eyes in the class were now riveted on Seto and Yami. Yami's mouth dropped open. Seto's mouth dropped open. Jou whimpered and slid down in his seat. The other kids in class began laughing.

Seto began to snarl, "I am NOT going to go humiliate myself in front of…"

"Awww, that's okay, I will take great joy in failing not only you, but your wife and son as well," K cooed.

Seto shot to his feet with the look of death on his face, but Yami grabbed his lover's hand just as quickly and gave him a pleading look. "Seto, we can't afford to fail." he whispered frantically.

"This is so fucking stupid!" the taller teen hissed back.

"I know, I know… Wait a minute. You still have that 'Miracle of Life' tape, right?"

"Yeah, of course… but it's at home."

"Have someone bring it while we stall for time!"

K tapped his foot impatiently. "Mr. Mutou. Mr. Kaiba… we're waiting…"

"Right. Birds and bees." Yami stood up nervously and headed for the front of the class while Seto hit the speed dial on his cellphone. He began shooting instructions to the hapless servant who took the call, then paused incredulously for a moment before roaring," WHAT!"

Every head in class swiveled in his direction. The brunette snapped the phone shut, glared at his classmates, then gave Jou the dirtiest look of all.

Jou widened his big, brown eyes. "Uh, Daddy?"

"You… fucking... jammed…. a peanut butter sandwich into the VCR!"

The blonde winced. "The Miracle of Life!" he whined. "Pot roasts! Cheerios!" If nothing else, the tape succeeded in making Jou truly act like a five-year-old.

K shrugged at the little scene, then grinned evilly at Yami and clapped his hands. "Okay, kids! Gather around! This is Mr. Mutou and he has something _very_ important to share with you today!" Jou crawled under his desk, but Ryou and Yugi joined the other "kids" on the floor in the front of the classroom. "They're all yours, Mr. Mutou. And if you don't want to fail, Mr. Kaiba, I suggest you get your ass up front on the double."

"Bite me!" Seto yelled, crossing his arms… crossly.

Yami quirked a brow at his lover, then looked at the assembled children, many of whom were clinging to their stuffed toys and staring absentmindedly at him. All except Yugi, who was giving him the oddest look... something akin to nauseous horror. _Great, I get to explain the wonders of sex to my aibou. _"Uh… yeah. Hi."

"Hi Mr. Mutou!" the kids chorused back loudly.

_Seto's nuts if he thinks I'm going to do this alone._ "Um, that's Mr. Kaiba over there. Mr. Kaiba, why don't you come up here with me NOW?"

"Hn. I'd rather not. In fact, you can bite me too."

"I would _really_ appreciate it if you'd come up here."

"I don't think so."

"Seto Kaiba, get your ass up here or else I'm cutting you off!" K and the rest of the students tittered as Seto's face reddened dramatically. With a huff, he stomped his way to the front of the class.

"I'm going to get you for this," he angrily mumbled into Yami's ear as he walked by.

"Send me to the amusement park again and I swear I will save all my vomiting for you," Yami muttered back. "Okay, kids, say hi to Mr. Kaiba."

"Hi Mr. Kaiba!" they all yelled.

"Uh, hi retards," said Seto lamely. "So this is what you little snot-nosed punks need to know about birds and bees. They both can fly. They both have wings..."

K rolled his eyes. "Are you two just going to keep wasting time? Class doesn't last forever you know. I think the best way to teach young children is by demonstration. Considering the two of you are playing tonsil hockey most of the time, you should just give the kids a few examples of what little five-year-olds are NOT supposed to be doing to their playmates."

"I am going to KILL you, you perverse asshole!" snarled Seto.

"And I am going to FAIL you, you… not nice person. So get going!"

"He does have a point. We do spend most of class making out," Yami said softly.

"What are you saying?"

Yami leaned in and ran his fingers up Seto's arm. "Class doesn't end for another… ten minutes? Might as well spend the time wisely… Big Daddy." He waggled his brows.

_Oh, why the hell not?_ Seto grabbed Yami's wrist and pulled the shorter teen into his embrace. "Okay, brats. This is what you DON'T do with your dorky little friends," he instructed, then mashed his lips against Yami's for a sloppy kiss with lots of tongue. The ex-spirit moaned and grabbed at Seto's ass.

The class hooted and hollered and K grinned, pulling a tin of popcorn out from under his desk and sitting back in his seat. _Ah, free entertainment. It's times like this when I actually enjoy my job,_ he thought, popping in a mouthful of caramel corn. _Mmm, tasty._

TBC

* * *

Author's Notes:   
- The "pushing a pot roast through a Cheerio" joke was from… somewhere? Someone? I can't remember. It's just my favorite horrifying abstract mental image to describe the joy of childbirth.  
- Yes yes, everyone's horribly OOC. Well, heck, why not? I'm just following the trend that was set up in previous chapters :)

Bishonen no Miko – July 6, 2005


	10. Maurelledrow

Title: Project from Hell  
Author: Maurelledrow  
Rating: PG- 13  
Pairings: Bakura/Malik, Seto/Yami, Honda/Anzu Jou/Yugi  
Warnings: language, shonen-ai, weird humor  
Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh does not belong to me

* * *

Bakura glared at the teacher as he stopped them from leaving class.  
Great. Just what he needed. First there was the lecture' from Yami  
and Seto on what children should not be doing. Now he was keeping him  
from getting his ass out of this hellhole Ryou said he had to go to.

"One more thing! As we all know Spring break starts tomorrow! So,  
this is your assignment for the break. You have to go on vacation; to  
the place of your kid's choosing!" He said enthusiastically to the  
groans from the students. "Have a great break!"

* * *

"So where are we taking the brat?" Seto asked Yami during lunch. He  
was attempting to catch-up on work he had missed. Yami was sitting  
next to him in the limo doing what he could to distract him. Jou was  
being entertained by the driver. Lord knows Seto paid him enough.

"The sub said wherever he wanted to go…" Yami said playing with the  
bright red lolly that was his lunch'. Seto's eyes never left his  
mouth. "But remembering the trip to a theme park with Mokuba, maybe  
we should lay out some… options. I do not want to end up puking my  
guts out again." Seto grinned and closed the distance between them.

"You know, I knew there was a reason besides that body, that made me  
nuts," Seto taking the sticky ball of sugar from Yami's mouth. "You  
can be as devious as I am." He kissed the candy-flavored mouth. So  
much for doing work.

* * *

"Wife, where are we going to take Yugi?" Bakura growled. He was in a  
bad mood. He had failed an English test the period before. I mean,  
whoever invented the blasted language had done it just to piss him  
off. Marik, who had been busy cutting Yugi's meal into bit-sized  
portions looked up at him. Anubis, those eyes…

"I think the questions is, how are we going to take him anywhere?  
Isis is traveling with the exhibit, which means I'm broke. She pays  
the bills and that's it," Malik said glaring at his nose, where a bit  
of what the school called mashed-potatoes ended up.

"I think I can come up with something…" Bakura said his mind working  
over what he had buried in the backyard. He noted the irony in the  
fact that he was going to have to spend his well-earned loot on the  
Pharaoh's twin.

"I want to go to Disneyland!" Yugi said looking up at the two of  
them, eyes huge. He had never been. His grandfather couldn't afford  
the trip to Tokyo and the tickets. So simply it sounded like fun.  
Bakura fumed.

"Hell no. I'm not spending three and a half hours on a bullet train  
with you. That's assuming I could afford to go to Tokyo," Bakura told  
him.

"Pleeeeeeeeease!" Yugi said putting on his best too-cute-to-say-no  
face. Bakura was having none of it. Malik looked from one to the  
other and back again. Considering the fact he was going to have to  
live with both of them…

"Why don't we see how much money daddy has? If he has enough, we'll  
go. If not we'll go somewhere else, k?" Malik said. Bakura opened his  
mouth to protest, but Yugi stopped him.  
"K! I'm gonna go play with Jou!" and with that he was off after his  
friend, who just happened to be running from Kaiba's driver waving  
something that look a lot like his wallet around in the air.

* * *

"How come Yugi gets to go to Disneyland, and I can't?" Jou asked for  
the hundredth time. Seto, who had calmly explained Jou's choices  
(the beach, a trip to the mountains, and fishing), felt his ire  
flare. Damnit, he had know Jou was stupid, but…

"Yugi's going to Disneyland?" Mokuba said from the doorway. Kaiba  
groaned. Like he was ever going to get to say no now. Mokuba had been  
bugging him about making their annual trip.

"Yeah, and daddy says we can't go," Jou said hugging his dog close  
enough to make the stuff animal look like he was wincing. Mokuba just  
looked at him. Damn Yami needed to work over at his grandfather's  
shop. Couldn't the old man hire help? He at least had some immunity  
to his brother…

"Let's go, Ni-sama! It's about time anyway…" God, but he couldn't  
resist that look. He put his head in his hands.

"Fine." he mumbled into them. He ignored the cheers that exploded  
around him. Yami was going to kill him.

* * *

"Get-up! Get-up!" Jou and Mokuba shouted throwing on the lights in  
Kaiba and Yami's shared room. Kaiba sat up and glared and Yami merely  
wiped the sleep from his eyes. A look at the clock proved it to be  
three in the morning.

"What the hell?" Kaiba snarled. Jou grinned evilly at his parents. He  
was dressed and so was Mokuba.

"We wanted to spend all the daylight hours at the park. So, we got  
tickets for the three-thirty train to Tokyo!" Jou said. Seto looked  
ready to kill them both. He knew he should've handled the details,  
but had all he could deal with trying to calm Yami down after he  
found out where they were going. Then he realized what time it was.

"Damnation!" He said fling the covers off him and running to the  
closet. That meant he and Yami had about five minutes to get dressed  
before they had to be in the car.

* * *

"Get-up, damnit!" Bakura snarled at his wife'. It was close to time  
to leave, and he was still asleep. Long blonde hair askew on the  
light blue of his sheets. Personally, Bakura could think of a half  
dozen ways to spend this morning that didn't involve getting up for a  
damned trip to the Happiest Place on Earth, paid for by yours truly.

"Muruff…" came the half-hearted reply. Well, Bakura could think of  
one more way to wake him up that didn't involve cold water and a  
cursing match. He leaned over and caught a pair of soft lips. He came  
down hard. He wanted him awake. NOW. The warm response startled him a  
bit, as Malik opened his mouth and came after him. Bakura fought  
back, and was so intent on winning the battle of the tongues he  
failed to notice Yugi wandering in.

"Ewwwww…." came from the door making Bakura lose contact. Yugi stood  
in the doorway his face in a look of disgust. He turned to his  
stuffed animal. "Mommy and daddy are going to catch cooties."

"Why you little!" Bakura began to be stopped by Malik. He was awake  
now and had a hold of Bakura's wrist. Bakura turned his eyes to the  
other. He looked well rested and at peace.

"You won't kill our child. At least not until we get our grade on  
this," Malik said sweetly. He sat up and gave them both a look. "I'll  
be down in ten. Everything better be ready." Bakura raised an eyebrow  
at the other. Him giving orders? Maybe he should wake him up like  
that more often.

* * *

"Are we there yet?" Jou asked for the billionth time. Bakura felt a  
little tick over his right eye. Kaiba sat on the other side of the  
compartment, Yami's head in his lap, yelling through his cell phone  
at some department head or another. Malik had left to get breakfast  
along with Mokuba, and Yugi was glued to the window.

"No." Bakura growled. "And if you ask that again, I'll cut out your  
tongue, dry it, and make it into a necklace for you." He offered  
reasonably. Needless to say, Jou closed his mouth. Kaiba put his hand  
over the mouthpiece, and glared at Bakura.

"I'm the only one aloud to threaten him," he snarled at Bakura. He  
merely blinked as Kaiba turned to a startled Jou. "Do what he says,  
or I might just let him."

"Breakfast!" Mokuba shouted by way of announcing his and Malik's  
arrival. He then proceeded to hand out food. Kaiba took the coffee  
handed him without even stopping his tirade. Yugi and Jou had a bowl  
of something thrust into their hands. Bakura didn't like the look of  
it and was about to say something when Marik handed him a muffin. He  
glared up at him.

"A muffin?" he hissed. Marik shrugged.

"It's blueberry. They didn't have anything hot other than coffee. So no  
half bloody sausage for you," Marik said sleepily. Bakura gave it  
back and took the coffee Marik had planned on drinking. "Hey!"

"Hay is for horses," Bakura told him. He got enough of that out of  
his light. Speaking of him, what was he up to?

* * *

Some beach, somewhere, Ryou sat in the sand making sandcastles. A  
large grin on his face as both of his parents, who he had caught  
napping, were covered up to their necks in sand. They were going to  
have a bad time when the tide came in. Maybe his yami was right, and  
being bad had its uses. 


	11. FairyFae

Title: Project from Hell: Ch. 11

Author: FairyFae

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Seto + Yami, Bakura + Malik, Jou + Yugi

Spoilers: none.

Warnings: swearing, Sexual Reference, Violence

Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh is Kazuki Takahashi's. I make no proceeds from writing this fanwork. Oh well.

Summary: Disney chaos in general.

Status: 11/13

"Why do people keep staring at my legs damn it?" Seto shouted at no one in particular before grouching, "They're not that white." Seto's angry outburst not only made the staring faces glance quickly away, but it also startled the three people standing in the adjacent line. Worst of all, it triggered the screaming of at least one baby, possibly more. It was honestly hard to tell among the ruckus created by the masses of humanity crammed into a too-small space. "Great. Just great."

Yami glared at his lover before hissing, "Control yourself and yes, they are that white. You may have great legs but the color practically glows in the dark." Yami smirked at his disgruntled Koi before whispering enticingly into Seto's ear, "That makes them perfect in bed. I think of them as runway lights. I follow them in the dark and when I'm ready to land, I always end up happy with my positioning."

Seto blushed from head to toe, which served to increase his awareness of the stifling heat. Surrounded by masses of children and their overprotective parents, it was not a good time to think like that. He had already had more than his fill of educating children on 'matters deserving a high rating.' "It's your fault that I'm wearing shorts. I don't see why I couldn't stick to my trench coat. It's not like I could have gotten any hotter than I am now."

"Indeed." Yami smirked and Seto blushed more.

Deciding to be merciful, Yami gave him a level stare before turning to face the head of the line. Personally, Seto didn't even know why they were enduring this torture other than Joey's stupid request to 'Be just like everyone else.' Idiot! You make lots of money so you don't have to be like everyone else. Bored with the proceedings…or not proceedings if you were talking about how quickly the line was moving…Seto examined his surroundings only to be stopped dead by the sight of the approaching trio…or rather he was stopped dead by the sight of one member of the approaching trio.

"Bakura." Seto's teeth ground as he tore cruelly into each syllable of the name. The asshole was wearing a _trench coat_! He, Seto Kaiba was reduced to wearing shorts and a bloody stripped oxford shirt while that blasted smug-looking thief was wearing a trench coat; a long, burgundy snakeskin trench coat over ripped jeans, combat boots and a whitey. Seto glared. He'd bet his company that the bastard was dressed like that just to taunt him. Seto had the misfortune of bumping into Bakura as he left his room in the hotel. The white-haired monkey knew what Seto had been coerced into wearing. The stupid thief could have chosen keep to his usually ugly attire, but no! Bakura went back to his room and changed into something similar to Seto's own stylish look. Jerk.

"Good morning Yami, Seto…doggie boy." Bakura waved casually.

Seto growled as Joey bounced around oblivious to the insult. Bakura had the audacity to sound chipper. What was up with that? There was no way Bakura wanted to be here any more than he did. Seto turned to vent again only to see the incredulous look on Yami's face. Yami's posture was defensive for some reason, probably because the thief actually used his name. Seto was about to puke. He looked like and Bakura sounded like someone from 'Leave it to Beaver.' The world was obviously coming to an end.

"Good morning Bakura, Malik. Where's my aibou?" Yami asked cautiously.

Bakura smiled, ACTUALLY SMILED, before responding. Seto shuddered. "Your timid little look-a-like," Malik snickered and Yami's brow rose in confusion, "is on his way. He's in the bathroom. He's having a little trouble with his costume."

"Costume?" Joey's frantic and meaningless movements came to a stop. "Costume! I want a costume!" Joey started to yank on the bottom hem of Seto's shorts, pulling them down an inch at a time until the elastic waistband on Seto's boxers was visible to everyone within viewing distance. Irritated, Seto swatted at the bouncing imbecile. He wondered if permanent brain damage sustained by your child would deduct from the final grade on this project from hell. He was betting that he could convince everyone that Joey had always been this moronic. In a sing-song voice, Joey repeated, "I want a costume, I want a costume."

Seto was about ready to pull his hair out and the day had just started. He shouted. "Shut up mutt. You already have a costume. You wear it everyday, dog. You look like a dog! You act like a dog! You are a dog! Just bark and we'll tell everyone you're Pluto!"

Yami looked at his lover. "Pluto? Why Pluto and not Goofy?"

Seto smirked. "Simple. Pluto can't talk."

Shaking his head in exasperation, Yami turned to face Bakura. "Aren't you hot in that? It's leather, right?"

Smirking, Bakura swung open his jacket like a stripper in Central Park. Alarmed, a woman who had been looking hastily covered her son's eyes only to sigh in relief moments later. The pants were buttoned and the shirt covered him completely. Inside the lining of the jacket were numerous ice packs, each situated to deliver a soothing, chilling balm.

"Bastard." Seto mumbled loud enough to have the woman moving her hands from her son's eyes to his ears. Frustrated with his mother, the boy yanked sharply away, inadvertently careening across the distance separating him from Bakura. Upon impact, one ice pack was jarred loose revealing three watches, an expensive looking necklace, five wallets and numerous other paraphernalia, all of which mysteriously clung to the jacket's inner lining. Calmly, Bakura bent down and retrieved the fallen ice pack, securing it once more over the top of his bounty.

Crouching down in front of the little boy he asked in a creepily nice voice, "Hey little boy. What's your name?"

The boy worried his lip between teeth stained red by some sugary treat. "Billy."

"Well Billy, I love children. I just built an orphanage. My name is Bakura Deville. Perhaps you know my sister Cruella. She's into furs, but me…I like skins." Bakura leaned down into the child's face, gently patting the boy's cheek. "You have beautiful, velvety dark skin like so many children in my orphanage. It would make a lovely _jacket_ don't you think." Leaning back, Bakura looked contemplative. "Or maybe not…maybe you would make a better pair of boots. I need something cushy to walk on you know. Wouldn't want to hurt my arch."

The boy's eyes widened in panic before he turned on his heel and ran into the park screaming, "He's gonna skin me and make a coat! He's gonna skin me!" The woman shot after her son and the line became one person shorter.

Malik turned to Bakura and scolded, drawing Seto's, Joey's, and Yami's attention to him and the odd attire he was wearing. "You promised. You promised that you would pay for this trip with your own money."

Bakura tipped Malik's chin back, fingers being slightly abraded by the fake beard that adorned the other's face, "So I did. And I haven't broken that promise. The money paying for the trip is my own. I just happen to be working during our vacation to replenish it is all. After all honey, its my responsibility to provide for you isn't it?"

Yami was about to comment on Malik's odd outfit when Seto interrupted him. "See! Its perfectly normal for people to work on vacation."

Yami leveled 'the look' at Seto again. "Do you recognize that you just used Bakura as a standard for normality? Have you really sunk that low?"

Seto humphed.

In the commotion, the five bishies failed to notice the slow, laborious approach of a green and brown blob until it bumped unceremoniously into the back of Bakura's legs. "Ahhh…there you are Yugi. Can't progress with today's workload without that lovely hollow hump of yours. After all, my jacket will only contain so much. Geez I love how careless people are with their belongings when they are on vacation. We should go on vacation more often."

Seto felt gratified now that he found the reason for Bakura's good mood and Yami felt horrified at his aibou's outfit.

"Dad." Yugi whined at Bakura, "Why did I have to be the Hunchback of Notre Dame?"

"It's your mother's fault. She just had to be Phoebus." Bakura gestured making exaggerated quotation marks in the air, "the Sun God. Therefore, you have to be one of the characters from the movie, The Hunchback of Notre Dame…just think Yugi…we made you the star."

Malik snickered again, earning him a glare from Yami. "I guess that means that I'm Yugi's mother and your father huh Yami?"

Seto embraced Yami as the Sennen Eye started to glow. "Not here Yami. You can't do that here. You'll cause a riot. Let me use my name to get us into the park without any further delay."

* * *

Finally. It took forever for them to get into this blasted hellhole even with Seto's reputation. If it weren't for the loot he was raking in just by being here, he would have already started adding to his body count one annoying tourist at a time. As it was, the addition of Seto, Yami, and Joey to his already bothersome entourage was about to break his thread fine patience. Sure, cutting into line where the others had been standing allowed him to pass the annoyance of infinite waiting just to gain the dubious privilege of paying to get into hell, but, it was time to lose the losers. Bakura smirked evilly. Luckily, he had come prepared for just such an eventuality. Slyly, Bakura fingered the vial in his pocket. It was one of his more treasured possessions, one that was sure to cause enough of a commotion to allow him to slip by everyone. He just needed to wait for the proper opportunity.

"Malik. You want something to drink? I need a bottle of water."

Malik looked surprised but pleased at the unexpected offer from the usually aloof and unpleasant thief. Maybe the other was starting to make…friends with him. "Sure honey. Get me a fruit juice."

Yugi piped up in a small voice, "Me too. Could you get me a slushy in one of the giant Mickey Mouse cups?"

"Sure. Why not?" That floored everyone standing in the vicinity that knew Bakura. "Oh knock it off you idiots. If he died of dehydration, I would never hear the end of it. Jerkoffs!" Everyone returned to what they were doing as Bakura gave them the collective finger and walked to the vendor. All was right with the world.

Bakura brooded. He would have to be more careful or someone would become suspicious. For his plan to work, he needed some kind of liquid. The powerful aphrodisiac in his pocket worked best if inhaled and it only vaporized when it came into contact with water.

After buying the drinks, Bakura returned to his group only to see the perfect opportunity approach. What better way to get Seto's blood boiling than to have a fruitcake in tights drooling over his boyfriend? Bakura watched as the chick draped in an unflattering blue dress that made her hips look huge and a man in the gayest outfit he had ever seen approached Joey who was currently bouncing around Yami's feet. He heard some vague nonsense about Prince Charming and Cindy fella, but he ignored it in sight of his goal. Nonchalantly, Bakura flicked a small trace of shadow magic at the 'Prince' causing him to faint from 'heat stroke.' Always the helpful servant, Bakura slipped a tiny drop of the potion from the vial into the bottle of water before approaching the spot where Yami was trying to help Princey boy. The water bubbled as gas started to boil out of the lid.

"What the hell is wrong with that fool?" Bakura asked while kicking his pawn in the side.

Yami glared at him. "Whatever it is, kicking him is not going to fix it. It's probably heat stroke or something of like that. He feels kinda hot."

Seto growled when Yami felt the other's forehead and Bakura leered inwardly. Perfect. Brusquely, Bakura dumped the water over the prince's head causing him to sputter and shot into a sitting position. Bakura watched as the prince blinked, blinked again, and then launched himself bodily onto Yami.

Yami fell gracelessly onto his back as the prince started dry humping the pharaoh through their clothing. Bakura quickly backed away, barely containing his laughter at the struggling pharaoh and the furious priest.

"What the HELL!" Seto stormed over, yanking the faux prince off of his lover by the ridiculous looking collar the other wore.

Malik shouted, "I agree…I'm much better looking than him. Why hump him in public when you can hump me?"

Seto shook the man as if he were a terrier and the prince were a rat before tossing the prince away. Stumbling with the force of Seto's throw, the prince vaulted across the walkway straight into the jovial figure of Goofy. Both figures fell under the impact in a tangle of limbs, fluffy ones and scantily clad ones. Goofy's head was dislodged during the fall causing several children to scream in fright. Still in the grips of the potion, the prince turned to Goofy and started to hump the decapitated dog's leg. Joey screamed, collapsed to the floor and started to rock back and forth.

"Goofy and Prince charming are going to have a baby. No babies. Tell them to stop. No babies."

"I agree mutt. That would be an unholy union. We wouldn't want another child like you…a dog in a human's body."

Joey started to cry and Yami rushed over to knock him on the back of the head. "Now don't start that again.

"But Mommy…Daddy doesn't love me." Joey's voice had gained the high-pitched nasal quality of a five-year old in a temper.

Yami gave Joey another knock on the head for good measure before turning to view the… disturbingly graphic scene in front of them. The Prince currently had Goofy pinned and was humping the dog's behind, tail wagging in time to the Prince's movements. Meanwhile, with arms reaching out of the gapping hole at the top of the decapitated costume, somebody inside struggled to either rise to his/her feet or escape the costume altogether. Parents were captivated by the spectacle, like witnesses to a car crash; Cinderella had fainted and was currently lying on the floor. Yami found himself unwilling to help the woman. Look what had happened the last time he helped one of those characters.

Children stared wide-eyed and slack jawed, the occasional small voice venturing to ask a parent what Prince Charming was doing to Goofy's corpse. One asked if Mickey was going to bury Goofy in the back yard like they had Spot. Another asked if the thing coming out of Goofy was an alien like on Aliens.

Geez, the things parents let their children watch now-a-days. Yami decided that they needed to disassociate themselves from this matter and quickly. Yami was about to force Seto and Joey to move from their current location when Goofy's remaining intact body finally gained its footing and started running screaming through the park, Prince Charming's legs clinging tenaciously and hips continually pumping against the giant walking plushy. Occasionally, a scream or curse could be heard in the distance.

Yami pondered what had happened. What could have caused such an incident? He could find only one answer. Bakura. Looking around he spotted Malik. "Where is he?"

Not questioning whom the pharaoh meant Malik looked around too. "I don't know." Bakura had slipped away from them all in the commotion. "But when I find out he is going to be in so much trouble."

* * *

"What have you been doing?" Malik leveled an angry gaze on Bakura who did not have the grace to look the least bit repentant. "Because of you, I had to repay Yami and Seto by taking Joey off their hands as well as Yugi." Bakura spared a brief glance for the panting figure of Yugi, the young boy's body bent into odd shapes by the heat and exhaustion, both of which were magnified by the costume before turning to the more interesting spectacle of Joey. He knew then that, although he would probably get an F on this school project from hell created by that spawn of Satan, K, his F would be a higher grade than Seto and Yami's F. Joey was currently sitting his haunches at the end of a leash, his eyes blank and his tongue lolling out in a doggy grin.

Tentatively, Bakura asked, "Joey?" The figure barked and lifted a leg to scratch behind one ear. It looked like the blond was fated to be the first casualty suffered in this project from hell. Bakura was sure that there would be others. No matter. He had other matters to discuss with Malik.

Again with the flasher routine, Bakura replied, "Look what I found." Throwing open his jacket, he displayed his new stash.

"Holy shit!" Malik proclaimed, "Are those explosives?"

"Yup." Bakura grinned insanely. "It's the mother load. This is what I call a vacation."

"Where the hell did you find those?" Malik asked, still not quite believing his eyes.

"Oh, they had them stashed in some room that said 'Off Limits! Fireworks!' That sparked my curiosity so I broke in and found this. Hurry! I need Yugi's hump to stash some of the really impressive stuff and then we can start the real party."

"All right," Malik answered before narrowing his eyes at the other, "but after this, you are so going to pay for what you've made me endure by being gone for the last hour."

"Fine, fine." Bakura waved his hand negligently at the other. "We'll do whatever you want after I stash some of this stuff. Just hurry up."

"But Daddyyyyy," Yugi whined only to be hushed by Malik. "Don't worry baby. After this Mommy is going to extract a little of her own out of Daddy's hide. Just cooperate for now."

Yugi looked curious but complied. Painfully, he bent down to retrieve Joey's leash before follow his makeshift parents.

* * *

"I can't believe you talked me into doing this," Yami grumbled in between passionate kisses. Pouting, he continued, "It's not like Disney is really any competition for Kaiba Land in Japan."

"True." Kaiba lifted Yami up onto the desk. "But it never hurts to find a little leverage on your competitors." After Seto ditched Joey with Malik, he had proceeded to hunt down Prince Charming and knock some bloody sense into him. When the insufferable bastard had finally come around, he had forced the other to take him to the main offices that were on park property. There, he had systematically broken into their records and…. ta da, he found a little tax fraud, a little money laundering, and more. Kaiba Land's competition was about to leave the country, and god that made him horny.

Voraciously, Seto latched onto Yami's neck, pressing the other back against the desk. "Don't complain so much love. You know the party tonight will be thrown in your honor."

Yami's eyes lit up. "Really?" He groaned as Seto hit the hot spot behind his ear.

Mouth full, Seto replied, "Mmmm hmmm."

Abruptly, the door burst open and two enormous plushies entered, one duck and one mouse. Behind the two costumed individuals stood a man in a three-piece suit. "What do you think you are doing in my office?"

Without even looking up Seto mumbled, "Exactly what it looks like we're doing. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out you money launderer."

Seto spared a moment to nail the man with a predatory look before returning to his writhing meal.

The man, too stupid to be cowed by Seto's deliberately dropped warning, ordered, "What are you two waiting for. Get them!" Mickey and Donald proceeded to pick up some form of blunt object before approaching the two occupied youths. "You didn't think that I would be involved in criminal activities without hiring a few thugs did you? These two are ex-military and they now consider you the enemy."

Yami pushed Seto off of him and gave Mr. Three-piece an unbelieving look. "You have thugs that dress up as Mickey and Donald. You have got to be kidding me!" At that moment, Mickey started to swing a chair down on Seto. Angered, Yami held out a hand, the Sennen eye appearing on his forehead. "Mind Crush!" Mickey fell to the floor in a wriggling mess. Not one to stay idle, Seto kicked Donald in Gonads Land causing his downy enemy to collapse to his knees.

Arrogant as always, Seto pulled Yami back into him while looking at Mr. Three-piece suit. "You're finished asshole. My suggestion is that you take what you can liquidate easily and disappear to the Bahamas now. If you want me to give you until tomorrow to escape, you'll arrange for me and my honey to ride in our own float in the parade. Make it big. Make it a dragon. That's all. Now get out."

* * *

"All right. So what's this revenge you have planned Malik. Let's just get it over with." Bakura didn't even sound put out despite the blindfold he had been coerced into wearing. Today was turning out to be much more fun than he had anticipated. First, his incredible take in the parking lot, second Yami being molested in front of Seto and at least fifty innocent children, and finding more explosives in one place than he had since he raided the U.S. Military base in Washington D.C. during one of his stateside visits. What could possibly ruin this?

"Don't worry. You'll find out in a moment. Step up."

Bakura complied and felt the ground sway under his feet. He was on some sort of boat. He started to get an uneasy feeling as a low melody started to reach his ears. What the hell was that and why was his stomach churning? No longer amused, Bakura ripped the blindfold from his eyes and stared at the garnish display before him. How many obscenely bright colors could you paint the opening to a tunnel? Cautiously, he read out loud the title of the ride. "It's A Small World?"

Eyes widening to European proportions, Bakura growled, "Oh no you don't."

Insistent, Malik attached himself to Bakura and fell into the boat. "Oh yes Bakura. If I have to endure the hell of two children, you have to endure the hell of 'It's a Small World.' The boat began to set off and Malik made to leave but Bakura clung to him.

"I am not going insane alone."

"Going. Try you're a permanent resident in insanity." Malik groaned. He had missed leaving the ride. Fortunately, he brought earplugs.

"Ummm…Mom, Dad," Yugi broke in casually while stroking Joey's fur…hair…the hair on Joey's head. Yugi winced. "It can't be that bad."

Bakura, who had turned to look at Yugi seated behind him, returned his gaze to Malik. "You were going to send me to hell and STILL leave me with THEM. What the hell were you thinking?"

Malik just got into Bakura's face, "I was thinking…"

Bakura snorted.

"…that I would do to you what you did to me. And yes!" Malik rapped Bakura upside the head before resuming his search for the earplugs. "I do think!" Pulling them out of his pocket, he tried to put them in his ears. The noise was coming. Desperate, Bakura made a grab for the earplugs, his efforts resulting in their loss over the side of the boat.

"You idiot! Look at what you've done!" Malik yelled but it was too late. Bakura had already succumbed to the music now surrounding them. The once proud thief was rocking back and forth in his seat humming monotonously to himself in a futile attempt to drown out the sound. Without Bakura as a distraction, Malik also could no longer block the hypnotic sound. The world began to warp and bend around him. He felt as if he was in the middle of an awesome acid trip. Small world…small world. The phrase echoed again and again in his head. One automated doll that raised and lowered its hand in greeting altered in Malik's mind. Now it was a demon of lust jerking itself off in front of him in scorn. Another doll that was sweeping its body from side to side, something sweet clutched in its hand, turned into a vicious murderer clutching a knife. Everyone was spinning, bodies twirling in a lewd dance of lust and death. One by one, the innocent spectacle was warped in Malik's mind into a ghastly display and the blond boy, the one that had fought so desperately to become a good person, felt his alternate persona again arise and take form. Whispers began to flood his ears once more. Whispers that tempted, that lured Malik into repeating past sins.

Yes…yes, his mind purred. It was a small world and he was Phoebus, God of the Sun. All beings must bow to him…even the pharaoh. Yugi shuddered and looked on in fear as a sinister laugh from the past resurrected itself in front of him. Frantically, trying to not draw attention to him, Yugi jumped ship, pulling Joey after him. Quietly he urged, "Come on Joey. I have a bad feeling that things are about to get really awful." Struggling through the water, Yugi reached one display only to see Malik…no Marik jump out of the boat also, dragging the practically catatonic Bakura with him.

People started and yelled objections at the rocking of the boat and children commented and begged their parents to also, 'take a swim.' Marik laughed and began to speak. "I am your ruler! I rule you all!" Crawling onto one of the displays, "Come thief! Look at me and serve me once more! Help me tame this world to my command and you can have all the power you desire!"

The word power seemed to bring Bakura to his senses.

Marik released another sinister laugh. "These are my enemies. The current inhabitants of the Small World! Destroy them all!"

Bakura, eyes insane, released a manic giggle. "Yes! I will! I will destroy them all!" Bakura withdrew the sword at Marik's hip, one that Yugi noted was not the fake the other had claimed it was, and jumped onto the next passing boat. Laughing manically, Bakura hacked at the floating object so violently that it stopped dead on its underwater track. Men, women and children screamed as the vehicle was jostled and mangled by the attacking fanatic. "Kill! Kill them all!"

Children were screaming and crying as another boat slammed into the back of the first creating the beginnings of a traffic jam. Bakura was launched from his perch, his body plunging into the shallow water. The vial slipped out of his pocket as he fell, unnoticed by anyone as it broke against the side of the boat, its contents emptying into the water bellow.

Completely out of control, Bakura launched himself back out of the water, droplets flying in every direction. One child screamed, "It's him! It's Cruella's evil brother. He's going to skin us alive!"

The cacophony became even louder as men tried to approach Bakura. Maddened by the music that was still playing, Bakura jumped up onto one of the displays and started hacking off animatronic limbs, tossing the severed body parts at passengers. Boats were soon filled with the passed out forms of women and children buried under the disembodied carcasses of various dolls. The waterway was crowed with heads, arms, and legs, all in grotesque testament to Bakura's brutality. And during the massacre, a mist was gently rolling up to fill the empty spaces in the room. One drop of Bakura's aphrodisiac was enough to send a man crazy with lust but the whole bottle…the whole bottle was enough to put a whole city to waste with the same disease.

Without warning, the men stopped trying to attack Bakura and started attacking each other or one of the women crowding the boat. The children looked on in shock as their parents, aunts, uncles, and older siblings started to rip each other's clothing off in an unrecognized display of primal lust. In one boat, two men and a woman were busy sucking each other off in some odd display of flexibility while in another two once straight men were exploring their boundaries. Everywhere one looked were the violent, lust-filled, and traumatized people of 'It's a Small World.'

Joey whimpered and started to rock back and forth, periodically mumbling oddly disturbed phrases. At least he was speaking and not just barking. Yugi hastily struggled out of his hump and emptied it of its contents. Everything around them looked like a cross between Animal Kingdom during mating season and WWII trench warfare. Desperately, Yugi clung to his mumbling friend before lowering the hump over them both, protecting them from the mist and the sights of that which surrounded them. Unfortunately, it did not block out the wet noises of passionate sex, the ripping noises of desperate violence, and the whimpering noises of confused desperation and disillusionment.

The mist finally reached the higher places where Bakura and Marik were standing, causing the two to stare at each other in unadulterated lust. Yugi could not block out the sound of Marik's voice despite the noise as it uttered the phrase that threatened to destroy the remnants of his own sanity. "Come thief. It is time for you to serve me in another capacity."

* * *

Yami smirked, amused at the antics of the people lining the streets. He was always amazed at the things that people would accept in stride. At that moment, a person they all probably didn't know and the CEO of one of Disney's major competitors were riding a giant dragon float, each seated in a separate throne, waving lazily at the masses. The appearance of such an odd pair did not seem to put a hitch in anyone's enjoyment of the parade however.

"Are you happy, love?"

Yami smiled at the individual seated beside him. How could he not be happy? His Koi had arranged for him to be adored by hundreds of park goers. It vaguely reminded his subjects' enthusiasm when seeing him thousands of years ago. Despite the rocky start to the day, Yami was now having fun. Not to mention, for the first time in what seemed like forever, they were Joey-free. Yami was fully intending to take advantage of that in the hotel this evening.

Eyes aglow, he answered, "How about I show you how incredible happy I am when this parade is over."

Seto returned a wicked look, leaning slightly towards Yami's perch, "I think I'm looking forward to that."

Yami was about to reply when chaos erupted in the midst of the crowd. A huge explosion sent people running like swarming ants in the rain. Pained by the noise, Yami's hands flew to cover his ears. What the HELL!

"What the HELL?" Seto stood only to stride to the edge of the float, "What is going on."

As if in response to his question, a macabre float pushed its way into the parade, its passage drawing screams from children and adults alike. The site stymied Seto and Yami, their shock helping them to tune out the ruckus created by the panicky crowd. Now on a collision course with the dragon float was an amalgam of disembodied doll parts attached to a car of some sort. The float seemed to wave at the audience as it bumped across the cement, one chubby arm wriggling here and a chubby leg wriggling there. Perhaps the most ridiculous part of the spectacle was the figure of Malik, waving a broken ceramic lollipop as a scepter. On his head sat a crown of broken dolls hair.

Yami rose to his feet and joined Seto as Malik proclaimed, "Pharaoh! I have come to demand your complete surrender. I am now the ruler of this small world and all must bow to me. Bow to me Yami and Seto, for I am your god."

Yami just shook his head, "Have you finally lost your bloody mind."

"Ha! I knew you would say that my mortal enemy."

Seto raised an eyebrow and addressed Yami, "If that is the best you can do for a mortal enemy, we're done."

Yami threw a pissed look at his boyfriend as Mailk continued to rant.

"I'll show you who is bloody! Attack my faithful minion!"

Bakura chuckled with glee as he lit one of the fireworks mounted in various places around the float, only instead of being aimed up; they were aimed towards the float in front of them. Following the policy of 'one is never enough,' Bakura decided to light as many of the fireworks as he could reach before the match burnt his fingers. Yugi out of a green hump, hand tightly cluching a leash, and screamed, "Yami! Seto! Watch out! They have missiles!"

Instantly, Yami and Seto responded, both taking a running leap off of the float and ducking for cover. Moments later, the dragon float exploded in flame and sparks, paper shrapnel flying out to create small fires in trash bins and on scattering, screaming tourists. The color and noise were blinding as bodies dived for cover.

As the pandemonium died down to only include the moaning of the injured and the bemoaning of their relatives, Seto lifted his body off of Yami. Furious, his legs ate up the distance between him and the occupants of the monstrosity that had actually fired on him and Yami. Out for blood, Seto pulled Malik from his perch and proceeded to beat the hell out of the other man. He knew he was yelling but his ears were ringing so loudly that he couldn't hear a single word that was leaving his mouth. He only paused a moment when a white-haired fury plowed into the side of him only to be pulled off moments later by a police officer. Someone must have finally called the authorities. He tried to talk to the officers in a reasonable voice but he must have sounded aggressive. He didn't know. He still couldn't hear. He saw Yami run up and he thought he heard his name. Yami must have told them to check his ID because someone reached into his pocket. Instantly he was released, the officers bowing to him and saying something that was neither heard nor acknowledged by the CEO. Seto was too busy being gratified by the site of Bakura and Malik being carted away by the police. As for Joey and Yugi, they were huddling around a protective Yami. Damn! There went his plans for the evening. Well…at least this was likely to be their last trip to Disney for a while. Thank god!

* * *

Ten minutes later, several miles away from the commotion, a truck beeped angrily at a stalled vehicle only to stop in horror when he noticed that the vehicle was a police car. Cautiously, the man exited his truck and approached the cop car. Looking inside, he saw two police officers, passed out cold in the front seats. The back doors were standing wide open and no one was anywhere in the vicinity. Gently shaking the officer in the front seat, he noticed that the pockets were turned out and they were both free of any kind of jewelry, even watches. The man stared in amazement before returning to his efforts to wake the sleeping law enforcement officers. Someone had the balls to steel from the police. Wow. 


	12. Rekall again

Title: The Project From Hell

Author: Rekall

Rating: R-ish

Pairings: Bakura x Malik, Seto x Yami, Jou x Yugi

Disclaimer: Nothing in this story is mine.

Summary: Seto and Yami decide to ditch Jounouchi with Bakura and Malik for the day.

Status: 12/13

* * *

Seto woke that morning with much annoyance; Yami was not where he was supposed to be, laying next to him, which always resulted in a grumpy CEO.

"Mmm…you finally woke up Sexy."

Seto quickly sat up and spied Yami standing at the foot of the bed; he drooled at the sight he saw. Yami was only wearing tiny red leather shorts; a matching red color was around his neck with leash attached to it; on his head was a headband with kitty ears and attached around his waist was a band with a cat's tail at the end of it.

"Yami?"

"Don't you want a pet?" Yami asked playing with the end of the leash that was in his hands. He then kneeled on the bed and began crawling towards the brunet, picking up a handily placed pair of fluffy red handcuffs that were on the bed. Expertly, Yami handcuffed his hands together. "I've been a bad kitty and need to be punished."

Seto threw Yami down onto his back and loomed over him, pressing down upon Yami's shoulders to hold him place. "What are you up to?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Yami replied with a failed look of innocence on his face.

"I know you, 'Mr. I'm a Pharaoh', like to sleep in until as late as possible. You're up to something whenever you wake up before me."

"I want to go back to Tokyo."

Seto scowled. "We just got back from there thanks to that stupid Disneyland trip our son made me take him on."

"Jounouchi won't be coming with us; I plan on convincing Malik and Bakura to baby-sit him."

Seto released the former Pharaoh and as they both sat up he eyed his lover. "And just how do you plan on doing that?"

"I have my ways…"

Seto sighed; he admitted he was whipped but would kill everyone else if they said so. "Why do you want to go?" Yami told him. "No way! Forget about it Yami!"

"Pleaseeeeeee…" Yami begged; leaning forward he began nibbling on Seto's ear. "We can take the jet there; it's been a while since you've had a chance to fly it. Then before we come back, I'll be so horny you'll have to fuck me in the _cock_pit…"

Seto groaned, feeling his cock grow in his boxers. "Alright you win."

"Thank you Love!" Giving Seto a quick kiss, Yami hopped off the bed and swiftly undid the cuffs with a key he had hidden in his leather shorts. "I'm going to take a quick shower and then we can get ready to dump Jounouchi at Bakura's. Aibou will be happy he'll have Jou to play with all day."

"Wait! You plan on leaving now!" Seto protested grabbing onto the end of the leash that was still attached to Yami's collar. With a tug Seto began pulling the former Pharaoh back to the bed.

"Yes. I want to get rid of Jou early so we can have some peace and quiet together."

"I want sex."

Yami smiled. "You always were a blunt one."

"Give me sex."

Yami kissed the tip of Seto's nose. "Tonight." Pulling away from the brunet, Yami stood once again and began walking towards the bathroom.

* * *

"Other Me!" Yugi happily cried upon yanking open the door to the apartment. Hopping forward, Yugi tightly hugged the former Pharaoh. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Jou is being babysat while we go on a date," Yami explained. If possible, the smile on Yugi's face grew brighter.

"Jounouchi!" he cried jumping over and hugging the blond.

"Fat chance Pharaoh, no way are we watching your brat," Bakura grumbled from inside the apartment.

Pushing the door wide open, Yami, Seto and Jou strolled inside and found Bakura sitting on the couch with Malik who was stretched out with his head in the thief's lap. "It's not up to you Thief. Everyone knows that the Wife is in charge of the household so it's Malik's decision if you two are going to want to watch Jou."

"I'll pass," Malik replied while Bakura scowled at the ex-Pharaoh.

"You haven't heard my offer yet."

Malik sat up. "Offer? Don't try to bribe me Pharaoh; Isis and Rishid make enough money to support my lavish lifestyle. Besides I'm sure Kura would steal anything I wanted."

"Damn right."

"That's a shame then," Yami replied with some disappointment in his voice. Looking at the coffee table in front of the couch, Yami picked up the Yuki Eiri novel on it and began flipping through the pages. "Because Seto and I are going to that huge Bad Luck/Nittle Grasper special concert tonight in Tokyo…"

Yami inwardly laughed seeing Malik's eyes bug out of his head. Bad Luck was the number one bad in Japan and Nittle Grasper was an icon group, which influenced all current bands including Bad Luck. Yami knew that Malik was a huge fan of both bands. "How did you manage that!"

"The owner of the club is a Duel Monsters fan," Yami replied with a shrug of his shoulders. "She recognized me at Disneyland while I was quietly singing Spicy Marmalade to myself; we started talking and she gave me passes for the concert."

"Bastard. Well…I'm still not watching Jou!"

"Pity, Yuma-san said she'll introduce us to the bands and I planned on getting you everyone's autographs." Malik began drooling. "Plus you know Shindou Shuichi is dating Yuki Eiri and will probably be there as well so I figured I could get one of his books autographed for you too…But since you don't want to baby-sit Jou, I guess we'll have to stay here and hang out together. Anyone want to play Monopoly?"

"We'll watch the brat!" Malik cried who was now foaming at the mouth and shaking all over. He then dropped to the floor, unable to further stand.

"I hate you," Bakura growled in Yami's direction.

"Bye Kura-chan! Have fun today and make sure that Jou doesn't stay up too late tonight!" Yami chirped while grabbing Seto's hand and pulling him out of the apartment.

"Daddy! Mommy's having a seizure!"

Picking Malik up off the floor Bakura slapped him. "Oh no you don't! You're not dying and leaving me to baby-sit all myself! The only way you're dying is if I kill you!"

"Daddy hit Mommy!" Yugi wailed.

"Shut up and act your age!"

Yugi smirked. "I am."

"Too much of the idiot Pharaoh's cockiness is rubbing off on you," Bakura grumbled as he began shaking Malik, who was slowly regaining his bearings.

"Wha-?"

"Yay! Mommy is alive!"

Bakura glared at his son. "Come on Yugi, I think we should go to your room for a bit," Jounouchi whispered to him.

"It's okay," Malik said taking some deep breaths. "I'm okay." Bakura rolled his eyes.

"Umm…so what are we doing today?" Jounouchi quietly asked; mentally he was thinking up ways to kill Seto and Yami for dumping him with two psychos for the entire day.

"Lets go to the Zoo!" Yugi happily cried, apparently unfazed with what just happened. Jounouchi deduced that Yugi had gone equally nuts spending so much time alone with them.

"No," Bakura grunted as he laid down on the couch. On cue Yugi began crying and nudged Jou in the ribs until he joined in. "Alright, alright! Just shut up!"

Yugi grinned. "Thank you Daddy."

The foursome headed out of the apartment, planning on walking to the Zoo. They only got halfway however when they found a small Duel Monsters tournament taking place in the middle of a street.

"Please Daddy! I want to participate!" Yugi wailed.

"Me too!" Jou added, joining in with the begging.

"Me three!"

Bakura smacked his hand against his forehead. "You're not a child!" he yelled at the blond Egyptian.

"Daddy yell-aww…screw it; K-sensei isn't around." Lunging at Jounouchi, Yugi wrapped his arms around the blonde's neck and smashed their mouths together.

"You two stop it or I'll mention this incident in the stupid report we have to write. I'm sure K will love hearing about how the mutt raped our son while his parents were away," Malik scolded while everyone gave him an odd look. "What? I can be a good mother some of the time!"

"I'm the one being raped here!" Jounouchi protested, shoving Yugi away. "Lets just go to the fucking zoo."

Malik giggled and smacked Jounouchi on the ass, leaving his hand there longer then needed. "No swearing young man."

"He's right though lets just go to the fucking zoo."

"Be good boys and we'll buy you ice cream!" Malik added.

"Hey!" Jounouchi protested. "How come you didn't spank him for swearing?"

"Because I'm an adult, asshole."

"And he gets to spank _me_."

"I didn't need to know that."

"Sure you did!" Yugi chirped. "You're spending a night and need to be prepared for the strange noises you'll be hearing from their room."

Jounouchi paled remembering his first night at the Kaiba mansion. At least after the first night he was housed far enough away from the lovebirds and was free from any odd noises.

"Don't worry though," Yugi continued. "I'm sure we can make some noises of our own."

"Yugi…I'm beginning to get worried about you. I think you're losing it from having psycho parents."

"You know a few days ago you were more into this relationship."

"You weren't the one forced to watch the _Miracle of Life_!" Jounouchi shuddered at the memory.

"Oh I'm sure it wasn't that bad!"

"Yes it was!"

"How cute!" Malik cried, latching onto Bakura's arm and pointing at the two children. "Their first lover's quarrel! Our little boy is growing up so fast! Cute; isn't it?"

"Hmph. I repeat lets just go to the fucking zoo."

The foursome headed on their way to the fucking zoo where Yugi and Jou had the delight of dragging Bakura and Malik around to all the exhibits. Even Malik's cheerful attitude was fast disappearing as the day wore on.

"I want to see the tigers!" Jounouchi yelled making the mistake of grabbing Malik's wrist in an attempt to drag the blond Egyptian down the path. He was quickly yanked away by Bakura.

"Touch anything that belongs to me again and I will you learn what it's like to spent 3000 years trapped inside a Millennium Item. Got it?"

Jou silently nodded his head and the Thief King released him only to be hugged by Malik. "You're so sweet!"

"I think I'm going to throw up."

"Haha, I know you're not serious."

"Speaking of throwing up…I'm hungry!" Jou groaned, clutching his stomach as if it was in pain.

Yugi laughed. "You're always hungry!"

Yugi and Jounouchi skipped off to the pizza stand with Malik and Bakura following at a safe distance away from them to appear as if they were not all together. Sitting down at an outside table, the kids began to scarf down their meal while Malik and Bakura made out with each other.

"No babies!" Jounouchi cried as soon as his pizza was finished and saw what they were doing. Bakura flashed him the finger but began pouting when Malik climbed off his lap anyway.

"Tonight…after the kids go to bed…"

Grabbing Jounouchi's hand, Yugi dragged him away from the table and over to the monkeys cage. "Think we can convince the zoo to keep the mutt here?" Bakura asked Malik. "I'm sure he'll fit right in with those monkeys."

"Kaiba will probably give us an award for dumping him here."

"All the more reason to do it."

An hour later, all, including Jounouchi, left the zoo. Bakura and Malik had enough of the bloody place and only wanted to get far away especially after a wallaby began looking at Bakura strangely.

"Mommy I want ice cream!"

"No!" Bakura snapped; the wallaby incident had really disturbed him and he only wanted to get home.

"Pleaseeeee…."

"Yugi your heard your Father," Malik agreed, who didn't like the idea of a wallaby checking out his boyfriend.

"Fine," Yugi pouted.

The four of them quickly returned to Ryou's apartment where Jounouchi and Yugi disappeared into Yugi's temporary room to play.

"Jou lets play doctor!"

"No babies!" Jounouchi cried as Yugi began yanking the blonde's shirt over the top of his head.

"Silly, you're my patient and I need to examine you."

"Oh," Jou replied before allowing himself to be stripped completely naked.

"Now my turn!" Yugi cheerfully cried.

"Wait you're the doctor!" Jounouchi began protesting but it was already too late; Yugi was now naked as well.

Jounouchi began freaking out but then his normal teenage hormones, which had been laying dormant the past few days since he had saw the video, began kicking in as he stared at his best friend. Drooling like the dog everyone called him, Jounouchi pounced on Yugi and began humping him.

**

* * *

**

"Aww…our little boy is losing his virginity!" Malik happily cried from where he was sitting on the couch in the living room with Bakura. The two could easily hear what was going on in Yugi's room. "Where's the video camera? We should record this moment!"

Bakura shrugged. "Ryou hid it after I broke the first one."

"Rats. So what do you want to do tonight? Not sex. It's too freaky thinking about us having sex in the room next to where our son is doing the dirty deed."

The former King of Thieves shrugged again. "I don't care."

Malik's look became thoughtful for a few minutes before brightening. "Lets watch some Bad Luck videos!" he suggested remembering why they were babysitting in the first place. Malik knew that Ryou was also a fan of the famous band. "Where's Ryou's tapes?"

"Locked up in a waterproof, anti-thief safe."

"You're a thief, I'm sure you can break into it!"

"Tombs I can break into, not these new modern devices."

"Rats." Malik pouted as he picked up the same novel by Yuki Eiri, which Yami had earlier that day and began reading it where he had left off.

"What do you see in that guy anyway?" Bakura asked with a scowl.

"He's hot."

Bakura grabbed the book from Malik's hand and flipped it over to look at the picture on the back. "He looks American. I thought he was supposed to be Japanese."

"He is!" Malik insisted, snatching back the book. "And why do you care? Both of us are Egyptian."

Bakura growled. "I don't care."

Leaning over Malik began petting the Thief King's long white hair. "It's okay; you don't have to be jealous."

"I'm not jealous!"

Malik only smiled as he began kissing Bakura's neck.

"I thought you said no sex while the kids were doing it."

"I said no sex in the room _next_ to them," Malik murmured in between kisses. "We are clearly in a room down the hall from Yugi's room."

Bakura grinned as he pressed Malik down into the cushions and loamed over him.

* * *

"Damn, I hate being short sometimes," Yami grumbled as he lead Seto through the crowd. On the stage an opening act was performing but Yami wasn't too interested in them. "Do you see Yuki Eiri anywhere?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know what he looks like?"

"Like you except blond." Around them girls and gays were squealing delightfully in anticipation.

Seto looked. "Nothing."

"Rats," Yami grumbled. His eyes then lit up as he spied someone who resembled the famous author. "I think that's him!" he whispered to Seto so no one else could hear him. The man, who was standing a few feet away, looked exactly like Yuki except he had black hair.

Seto sighed as he followed Yami's leather clad ass through the crowd as they tried getting closer to the man.

"It's not him," Yami said with clear disappointment in his voice. When they had gotten closer Yami saw the craze look in the man's face and he kept mumbling something about 'Ryu-chan' over and over. Apparently someone was a huge Sakuma Ryuichi fan.

"Just enjoy the concert," Seto suggested wrapping his arms around Yami's waist and pulling him close; Yami sighed contently as he leaned the back of his head against his husband's chest. "It's not like Malik can do anything if you don't get that autograph for him."

Yami grinned. "True enough."

The pair relaxed; having gotten a good spot near the stage and waited for Bad Luck to come on stage. Bad Luck would be performing first, then Nittle Grasper since they were the icons. The encore would be both bands performing together.

"It shouldn't be long now," Yami said to Seto after checking his watch. Turning his head, Yami looked back at him. "Thank you for coming with me."

Seto shrugged and then smiled. "You're repaying me ten times over later."

Returning the smile, Yami stood on his tiptoes so he could kiss the brunet. They were so caught up in the kiss that they didn't notice someone was trying to talk to them until Seto felt the hard metal of a gun pressed against the side of his head.

"Hello," spoke their teacher, K. Apparently the American had no qualms about carrying around a real gun when he wasn't teaching.

"Hello K-sensei," Yami replied with a sigh as he pulled away from Seto. The brunet remained quiet as he glared at the other man.

"I really don't think this is the best place for a five year old child. Where is he anyway? You bad parents, you."

"At a babysitter's," Seto swiftly replied. "We're not complete irresponsible parents. Now if you excuse us, we're trying to enjoy the concert."

"I don't seem to remember this assignment being about dumping your kids at a babysitter whenever you want to do something," K replied using his gun to scratch his head in a thoughtful manner. "In fact I believe the orders were you spend your break together as a _family_."

"We did!"

"Oh well, I'm sure I'll have fun reading your reports tomorrow then. If I'm not happy, it'll be an F for all of you," K gave a hearty laugh as he wandered off leaving both teens to pale slightly. They had forgotten that school was back in session tomorrow and hadn't bothered doing their homework yet.

"Crap," Yami quietly swore.

"We'll just do it in the morning."

"They'll be no time! We're screwed! These are our final reports Seto! K expects us to detail everything we've experienced these past two weeks!" Yami hung his head in disappointment. "We're going to have to go home; I really wanted to see this concert too. After tonight Ryuichi is going back to America again. It could be years before Nittle Grasper performs together and probably never will they perform with Bad Luck."

Seto felt bad for Yami. It was true he could care less about being there but the concert was important to his wife. "All nighters are nothing for me. I'll stay up tonight after we get back and type up your report. I can do mine in the morning."

"Seto I can't let you do that. Sleep is important for you to stay healthy."

Seto shook his head. "If I wasn't doing that I would be up anyway going over Kaiba Corporation reports. Because of the stupid assignment the company has been seriously neglected these past two weeks; it'll only take me a couple hours anyway to type out both reports. I want to do this for you Yami."

Yami smiled brightly and hugged him. "Thank you."

"I have one condition though."

"What?" Yami asked, figuring it had something to do with sex. "You want me to get back into the cat getup?"

"Yes…but also I want no further attempts to get autographs. I don't care what you promised. Malik can go fuck himself."

Yami grinned. "No problem."

* * *

Back at Ryou's apartment, Yugi was frantically typing away on Ryou's computer; Yugi had been borrowing it the past few weeks with Ryou's consent. Next to him on the floor, Jounouchi was hastily scribbling out his report. Both were only half dressed.

"I can't believe we forgot about this."

"This is your fault," Jounouchi grumbled. "You're the one who wanted to play doctor."

"You could have said no."

"I'm not an idiot."

The typing on the computer stopped. "Jounouchi…"

"What?"

"I'm finished."

"Crap, I'm only halfway done!"

"Wanna play doctor again?"

"Uhh…"

Yugi pounced on him.

* * *

"The kids are having sex again," Malik sleepily grumbled feeling Bakura stir behind him. After the 'incident' in the living room, the pair had taken their activities to the bedroom before passing out. In amidst everything they had heard frantic yelling from the other room followed by thumping as they hurried into the living room to use Ryou's computer. Neither could figure out what was going on nor did they care.

"Ryou's going to kill them if they looked at porn on his computer; he screams at me for weeks every time I do it."

"We'll just make sure Ryou doesn't find out until after the assignment is over," Malik replied with a tired yawn; Bakura was a skilled lover who wore him out. Malik fell back to sleep and the white haired Thief soon followed him into slumberland.

* * *

**A/N – **Yup Yugi's gone insane. I figured after two weeks of living with Malik and Bakura he wouldn't be all there for a little bit, lol. 


End file.
